A Tendency To Rant...

Change, and stuff...

2012-02-01T03:50:00.000-05:00

Obama promised it. The man on the street begs for it. And I'm looking for it. We're all talking about change, but it comes in so many different forms.

Since returning from my vacation I've been itching for a change. I need to decorate my room. I need to learn/try out a new design style. I need a new gym/exercise routine. Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's not as though I'm being indecisive, I just can't figure out what I need right now. A distraction? A new direction?

Something needs to be different. Perhaps it will be easier if I start looking around at what I don't want in my life and see what I can do to get rid of it, or to change it into something that I would like to have around. An early spring cleaning perhaps? Everyone loves a good purge. And given that I recently rearranged my room it would be nice timing.

(Insert 45 minute lapse in writing while I played around on the new version of Photoshop on my new laptop)

It's nearly 4am. I am clearly still on San Francisco time. For some reason my internal clock will not adjust back to Toronto time. Playing on my computer certainly doesn't help matters any.

AND I have been listening to Madonna all night. Perhaps in preparation for her new album.

Later all... ;)

Going for broke... Literally.

2012-01-31T00:35:00.001-05:00

January is turning out to be a very expensive month. I have invested in a couple of things that, as a result, have depleted my chequing account. In a way it makes me feel a little ill, but both things were planned out and arguable very necessary.

The first hit my bank account took was my recent vacation to San Francisco. I was there for 9 days (+2 half days of travel). I will be doing another post about this trip as I will have pictures to post and will want to write out a lot of my adventures. Needless to say it was a good trip --- I love the West coast. I found it very relaxing and beautiful when I went to Vancouver two years ago and this trip only reinforced how much I enjoy it out there.

Some differences between Vancouver and San Francisco off the top of my head - SF is busier and has better transit. SF has more hills, and while it exists in its own micro-climate, it didn't rain everyday during my stay. The people are pretty friendly in both places.

My trip to San Francisco ended up being really great for me in a few ways. I got to relax. I got to explore a new city. I was able to meet up with family and made some new friends along the way. There was also a romance involved, which was a catalyst for a few of the surprises and highlights of the trip. But of course, this is all for the SF post, so stay tuned for that one... or few postings. We'll see.

The second blow to the bank account came today as I braved the Apple store and bought myself a new computer. My 'old' computer, an iMac, was purchased in 2007 when I moved to Toronto to study Graphic Design at Humber college. The computer has served me very well over the years but as far as the speed at which I am able to do work, it has started to become a real pain when I would like to get things done at a reasonable speed. Insert new computer.

If you've ever been into an Apple store you'll know a couple of things.
It's:
1) Busy and crowded. Hot and stinky;
2) Expensive;
3) Only fun if you're browsing and playing around;

I was in there to purchase a 15" MacBook - my first laptop - something that in and of itself makes this purchase a little more nerve wracking. I increased some of the features anticipating the demand on the system given the work that I will be doing on it. The result is an empty bank account.

It's an investment. It's something that will help me do my job, if not better then at least faster. The vacation is an investment in my mental health. Anyone who has taken a vacation can understand that.

So right now I am typing out this post on the laptop while I lay in bed. I feel as though typing in bed will become a regular occurrence, as will taking my laptop to a coffee shop and losing myself in my thoughts and work.

I am trying to get used to not having a mouse. Having never owned a laptop I have never gotten used to not having one. It's strange. What makes the process a little more involved is that new Apple products are all making use of gestures to make different things happen. This is due to the ipod, iphone, ipad, etc. All of the gestures will be the same. But again, having never used most of them it really takes some getting used to. But I do have to say that once you get the gestures in your head it really makes things faster as you're not reaching for scroll bars and the like. These Apple folks may know what they are doing after all. ;)

What I will forever mourn: the side number pad. I love that thing. I really do. Always have. Always will. I hate using the top row of numbers. Maybe it's because of math and calculators. Maybe it's because of phones. I have no idea, but I will surely miss the side number pad.

Something that I do like: The keyboard lights up, making it really easy to track buttons down in lower light. Even though I can type without looking at my hands, getting used to a new keyboard requires some downward glances to make sure I'm hitting the right spots.

I'm turning 30 this year and this year has unofficially become the year of change (or the year of new things). We're only a month in and there's a lot of change going on. There's so much more happening in my life right now that I didn't see coming. For now, knock on wood, it's mostly all good stuff. Here's hoping the next 11 months are just as kind.

Later all... ;)

Playlists

2012-01-04T04:13:00.002-05:00

I am always interested in seeing how my yearly music playlists pan out as the year goes on. I remember last year I wanted my 2011 playlist to be filled with high quality, good music that didn't include too much over-produced pop. Well, to be honest it probably wasn't even three week before that playlist was overrun with questionable pop music. But that's what these lists are for - to remember the music that makes us move - the songs that mean something to us at a certain time for a certain reason.

The first song added to my 2011 playlist was Shawn Desman "Electric/Night Like This"

I also had Shawn's brother on my 2011 playlist.
Danny Fernandes "Take Me Away"

I have added two songs to my 2012 list so far. One I will keep secret - mainly because it's bad pop. The other I will post below. I've got it on loop right now and it makes me want to have a serious dance party in my bedroom.

Morgan Page feat. Tegan and Sara "Body Work"

I mean, in all honesty, give me a good beat and a fun video and I'll be hooked.

What's been making it onto your playlists?

Later all... ;)

Resolutions... And other promises we may or may not keep

2011-12-17T02:58:00.002-05:00

The new year hasn't yet arrived but I already have my resolutions in order.

Each year I try to make some plans that I can really stick to. Two years ago I was determined to go on a vacation and get somewhere with my work. I did it. This past year I told myself to focus on getting better as my job and putting more focus on my friends. I did that, too.

So what do I have planned for this coming year? This coming year is about being a little selfish. 2012 is going to be all about me, me, ME! Though I have to be honest, it's not as bad as it may seem. (I have a reason for making this coming year all about myself... I'll comment on that later in the post)

Goal 1: Take a vacation.

In 2011 I didn't take a vacation. Sure I got to go to a friend's cottage on the August long weekend, but that's about all I have to show for 'vacation' time. I'm not blaming anyone since last year I took a vacation and bought suits. IT ended up being an expensive year. Expensive considering what I had been used to.

This coming year I am aiming to take a vacation in January. I have applied for my passport and set the wheels into motion. The plan is to explore San Fransisco for 7-10 days. I will go alone and it will be amazing. It will be a great way to unwind, explore and to clear my head.

Goal 2: Buy a new computer.

I'm not one to shy away from new technology, but I have been putting off getting a new computer for a while. I almost caved earlier this year when there was a very noticeable decrease in speed/performance of my computer. For everyday tasks it's not so bad, but for work it's a huge pain in the arse. Thankfully I can justify this purchase as being work-related. Eventually it will become my primary computer, but for a while I will be using two. The iMac that sits on my desk, and then the macbook/laptop that will eventually replace it completely.

Also, it's getting harder to update programs on my computer. Many new updates aren't supported on my OS. It's like I am being forced to update. I bought my current computer in 2007 when I moved to Toronto. I plan to use it for years to come. But as far as work goes I need something newer/faster.

Goal 3: Keep up with my gym routine.

This one is easy because I am not starting anything new. I am eating well. I have a great gym routine. Not too much, not too little. I have been slowly losing weight (read: fat) and gaining muscle over the year. I have no set goal. I really don't. So really when it comes down to it, as far as my routine is concerned - if it ain't broke, don't fix it. (But I may start stretching a lot, or taking up yoga... we'll see.)

Goal 4: Personal Projects.

To be better at my job I need to design (and write and sketch and photograph) for myself again. This year I really let it all slide. I dove into my work (read: my job) but didn't take the time for my own personal projects. I have lots of ideas but never take the time to do any of it. And it's important to do those things. I was showing a friend some of my sketches from today. I have a few things planned out that I'm excited to try. I have a few from the last couple of years as well. But we'll see how this one project goes before I get distracted by other things.

Goal 5: Don't give up on love.

Yuck. I know. Roll your eyes and gag. I encourage that reaction. Trust me, I'm doing it myself. In 2012 I turn 30. I won't be freaking out because I achieved everything except for one thing on my "things to do by/before 30" list. I've got one for 35 and 40, too, but they are less exciting and each list depends on what gets accomplished on the list that precedes it.

I go on a lot of first dates. I'm hard to please, or rather I'm easy to please but hard to impress. I'm not sure that's a much better way to explain it. I meet a lot of nice people, but I don't often see much come of it. No chemistry. And I usually chase after the wrong types of people - i.e. emotionally unavailable people. People fresh out of relationships. People not quite out of relationships. People married to their work. And assholes. I've become the king of first dates. Lots of good stories, but not enough good times.

So that's it. I'm sure there's more, but 5 goals is pretty darn good I think! 2012 is going to be a big year for me. My life has been changing and shifting a lot over the last two years and I've got a sneaking suspicion that things are not going to slow down.

Later all... ;)

OPEN DIALOGUE

2011-12-07T00:49:00.001-05:00

This is probably the best thing that I have watched all year.

"Hillary Clinton On Gay Rights Abroad: Secretary Of State Delivers Historic LGBT Speech In Geneva"

You can click the link above to watch the speech, or to read it. But in case you're just going to read it, I am going to post the speech below. I always liked this woman and this makes me like her even more.

"Good evening, and let me express my deep honor and pleasure at being here. I want to thank Director General Tokayev and Ms. Wyden along with other ministers, ambassadors, excellencies, and UN partners. This weekend, we will celebrate Human Rights Day, the anniversary of one of the great accomplishments of the last century.

Beginning in 1947, delegates from six continents devoted themselves to drafting a declaration that would enshrine the fundamental rights and freedoms of people everywhere. In the aftermath of World War II, many nations pressed for a statement of this kind to help ensure that we would prevent future atrocities and protect the inherent humanity and dignity of all people. And so the delegates went to work. They discussed, they wrote, they revisited, revised, rewrote, for thousands of hours. And they incorporated suggestions and revisions from governments, organizations, and individuals around the world.

At three o'clock in the morning on December 10th, 1948, after nearly two years of drafting and one last long night of debate, the president of the UN General Assembly called for a vote on the final text. Forty-eight nations voted in favor; eight abstained; none dissented. And the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was adopted. It proclaims a simple, powerful idea: All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. And with the declaration, it was made clear that rights are not conferred by government; they are the birthright of all people. It does not matter what country we live in, who our leaders are, or even who we are. Because we are human, we therefore have rights. And because we have rights, governments are bound to protect them.

In the 63 years since the declaration was adopted, many nations have made great progress in making human rights a human reality. Step by step, barriers that once prevented people from enjoying the full measure of liberty, the full experience of dignity, and the full benefits of humanity have fallen away. In many places, racist laws have been repealed, legal and social practices that relegated women to second-class status have been abolished, the ability of religious minorities to practice their faith freely has been secured.

In most cases, this progress was not easily won. People fought and organized and campaigned in public squares and private spaces to change not only laws, but hearts and minds. And thanks to that work of generations, for millions of individuals whose lives were once narrowed by injustice, they are now able to live more freely and to participate more fully in the political, economic, and social lives of their communities.

Now, there is still, as you all know, much more to be done to secure that commitment, that reality, and progress for all people. Today, I want to talk about the work we have left to do to protect one group of people whose human rights are still denied in too many parts of the world today. In many ways, they are an invisible minority. They are arrested, beaten, terrorized, even executed. Many are treated with contempt and violence by their fellow citizens while authorities empowered to protect them look the other way or, too often, even join in the abuse. They are denied opportunities to work and learn, driven from their homes and countries, and forced to suppress or deny who they are to protect themselves from harm.

I am talking about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, human beings born free and given bestowed equality and dignity, who have a right to claim that, which is now one of the remaining human rights challenges of our time. I speak about this subject knowing that my own country's record on human rights for gay people is far from perfect. Until 2003, it was still a crime in parts of our country. Many LGBT Americans have endured violence and harassment in their own lives, and for some, including many young people, bullying and exclusion are daily experiences. So we, like all nations, have more work to do to protect human rights at home.

Now, raising this issue, I know, is sensitive for many people and that the obstacles standing in the way of protecting the human rights of LGBT people rest on deeply held personal, political, cultural, and religious beliefs. So I come here before you with respect, understanding, and humility. Even though progress on this front is not easy, we cannot delay acting. So in that spirit, I want to talk about the difficult and important issues we must address together to reach a global consensus that recognizes the human rights of LGBT citizens everywhere.

The first issue goes to the heart of the matter. Some have suggested that gay rights and human rights are separate and distinct; but, in fact, they are one and the same. Now, of course, 60 years ago, the governments that drafted and passed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights were not thinking about how it applied to the LGBT community. They also weren’t thinking about how it applied to indigenous people or children or people with disabilities or other marginalized groups. Yet in the past 60 years, we have come to recognize that members of these groups are entitled to the full measure of dignity and rights, because, like all people, they share a common humanity.

This recognition did not occur all at once. It evolved over time. And as it did, we understood that we were honoring rights that people always had, rather than creating new or special rights for them. Like being a woman, like being a racial, religious, tribal, or ethnic minority, being LGBT does not make you less human. And that is why gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights.

It is violation of human rights when people are beaten or killed because of their sexual orientation, or because they do not conform to cultural norms about how men and women should look or behave. It is a violation of human rights when governments declare it illegal to be gay, or allow those who harm gay people to go unpunished. It is a violation of human rights when lesbian or transgendered women are subjected to so-called corrective rape, or forcibly subjected to hormone treatments, or when people are murdered after public calls for violence toward gays, or when they are forced to flee their nations and seek asylum in other lands to save their lives. And it is a violation of human rights when life-saving care is withheld from people because they are gay, or equal access to justice is denied to people because they are gay, or public spaces are out of bounds to people because they are gay. No matter what we look like, where we come from, or who we are, we are all equally entitled to our human rights and dignity.

The second issue is a question of whether homosexuality arises from a particular part of the world. Some seem to believe it is a Western phenomenon, and therefore people outside the West have grounds to reject it. Well, in reality, gay people are born into and belong to every society in the world. They are all ages, all races, all faiths; they are doctors and teachers, farmers and bankers, soldiers and athletes; and whether we know it, or whether we acknowledge it, they are our family, our friends, and our neighbors.

Being gay is not a Western invention; it is a human reality. And protecting the human rights of all people, gay or straight, is not something that only Western governments do. South Africa’s constitution, written in the aftermath of Apartheid, protects the equality of all citizens, including gay people. In Colombia and Argentina, the rights of gays are also legally protected. In Nepal, the supreme court has ruled that equal rights apply to LGBT citizens. The Government of Mongolia has committed to pursue new legislation that will tackle anti-gay discrimination.

Now, some worry that protecting the human rights of the LGBT community is a luxury that only wealthy nations can afford. But in fact, in all countries, there are costs to not protecting these rights, in both gay and straight lives lost to disease and violence, and the silencing of voices and views that would strengthen communities, in ideas never pursued by entrepreneurs who happen to be gay. Costs are incurred whenever any group is treated as lesser or the other, whether they are women, racial, or religious minorities, or the LGBT. Former President Mogae of Botswana pointed out recently that for as long as LGBT people are kept in the shadows, there cannot be an effective public health program to tackle HIV and AIDS. Well, that holds true for other challenges as well.

The third, and perhaps most challenging, issue arises when people cite religious or cultural values as a reason to violate or not to protect the human rights of LGBT citizens. This is not unlike the justification offered for violent practices towards women like honor killings, widow burning, or female genital mutilation. Some people still defend those practices as part of a cultural tradition. But violence toward women isn't cultural; it's criminal. Likewise with slavery, what was once justified as sanctioned by God is now properly reviled as an unconscionable violation of human rights.

In each of these cases, we came to learn that no practice or tradition trumps the human rights that belong to all of us. And this holds true for inflicting violence on LGBT people, criminalizing their status or behavior, expelling them from their families and communities, or tacitly or explicitly accepting their killing.

Of course, it bears noting that rarely are cultural and religious traditions and teachings actually in conflict with the protection of human rights. Indeed, our religion and our culture are sources of compassion and inspiration toward our fellow human beings. It was not only those who’ve justified slavery who leaned on religion, it was also those who sought to abolish it. And let us keep in mind that our commitments to protect the freedom of religion and to defend the dignity of LGBT people emanate from a common source. For many of us, religious belief and practice is a vital source of meaning and identity, and fundamental to who we are as people. And likewise, for most of us, the bonds of love and family that we forge are also vital sources of meaning and identity. And caring for others is an expression of what it means to be fully human. It is because the human experience is universal that human rights are universal and cut across all religions and cultures.

The fourth issue is what history teaches us about how we make progress towards rights for all. Progress starts with honest discussion. Now, there are some who say and believe that all gay people are pedophiles, that homosexuality is a disease that can be caught or cured, or that gays recruit others to become gay. Well, these notions are simply not true. They are also unlikely to disappear if those who promote or accept them are dismissed out of hand rather than invited to share their fears and concerns. No one has ever abandoned a belief because he was forced to do so.

Universal human rights include freedom of expression and freedom of belief, even if our words or beliefs denigrate the humanity of others. Yet, while we are each free to believe whatever we choose, we cannot do whatever we choose, not in a world where we protect the human rights of all.

Reaching understanding of these issues takes more than speech. It does take a conversation. In fact, it takes a constellation of conversations in places big and small. And it takes a willingness to see stark differences in belief as a reason to begin the conversation, not to avoid it.

But progress comes from changes in laws. In many places, including my own country, legal protections have preceded, not followed, broader recognition of rights. Laws have a teaching effect. Laws that discriminate validate other kinds of discrimination. Laws that require equal protections reinforce the moral imperative of equality. And practically speaking, it is often the case that laws must change before fears about change dissipate.

Many in my country thought that President Truman was making a grave error when he ordered the racial desegregation of our military. They argued that it would undermine unit cohesion. And it wasn't until he went ahead and did it that we saw how it strengthened our social fabric in ways even the supporters of the policy could not foresee. Likewise, some worried in my country that the repeal of “Don't Ask, Don’t Tell” would have a negative effect on our armed forces. Now, the Marine Corps Commandant, who was one of the strongest voices against the repeal, says that his concerns were unfounded and that the Marines have embraced the change.

Finally, progress comes from being willing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. We need to ask ourselves, "How would it feel if it were a crime to love the person I love? How would it feel to be discriminated against for something about myself that I cannot change?" This challenge applies to all of us as we reflect upon deeply held beliefs, as we work to embrace tolerance and respect for the dignity of all persons, and as we engage humbly with those with whom we disagree in the hope of creating greater understanding.

A fifth and final question is how we do our part to bring the world to embrace human rights for all people including LGBT people. Yes, LGBT people must help lead this effort, as so many of you are. Their knowledge and experiences are invaluable and their courage inspirational. We know the names of brave LGBT activists who have literally given their lives for this cause, and there are many more whose names we will never know. But often those who are denied rights are least empowered to bring about the changes they seek. Acting alone, minorities can never achieve the majorities necessary for political change.

So when any part of humanity is sidelined, the rest of us cannot sit on the sidelines. Every time a barrier to progress has fallen, it has taken a cooperative effort from those on both sides of the barrier. In the fight for women’s rights, the support of men remains crucial. The fight for racial equality has relied on contributions from people of all races. Combating Islamaphobia or anti-Semitism is a task for people of all faiths. And the same is true with this struggle for equality.

Conversely, when we see denials and abuses of human rights and fail to act, that sends the message to those deniers and abusers that they won’t suffer any consequences for their actions, and so they carry on. But when we do act, we send a powerful moral message. Right here in Geneva, the international community acted this year to strengthen a global consensus around the human rights of LGBT people. At the Human Rights Council in March, 85 countries from all regions supported a statement calling for an end to criminalization and violence against people because of their sexual orientation and gender identity.

At the following session of the Council in June, South Africa took the lead on a resolution about violence against LGBT people. The delegation from South Africa spoke eloquently about their own experience and struggle for human equality and its indivisibility. When the measure passed, it became the first-ever UN resolution recognizing the human rights of gay people worldwide. In the Organization of American States this year, the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights created a unit on the rights of LGBT people, a step toward what we hope will be the creation of a special rapporteur.

Now, we must go further and work here and in every region of the world to galvanize more support for the human rights of the LGBT community. To the leaders of those countries where people are jailed, beaten, or executed for being gay, I ask you to consider this: Leadership, by definition, means being out in front of your people when it is called for. It means standing up for the dignity of all your citizens and persuading your people to do the same. It also means ensuring that all citizens are treated as equals under your laws, because let me be clear – I am not saying that gay people can’t or don’t commit crimes. They can and they do, just like straight people. And when they do, they should be held accountable, but it should never be a crime to be gay.

And to people of all nations, I say supporting human rights is your responsibility too. The lives of gay people are shaped not only by laws, but by the treatment they receive every day from their families, from their neighbors. Eleanor Roosevelt, who did so much to advance human rights worldwide, said that these rights begin in the small places close to home – the streets where people live, the schools they attend, the factories, farms, and offices where they work. These places are your domain. The actions you take, the ideals that you advocate, can determine whether human rights flourish where you are.

And finally, to LGBT men and women worldwide, let me say this: Wherever you live and whatever the circumstances of your life, whether you are connected to a network of support or feel isolated and vulnerable, please know that you are not alone. People around the globe are working hard to support you and to bring an end to the injustices and dangers you face. That is certainly true for my country. And you have an ally in the United States of America and you have millions of friends among the American people.

The Obama Administration defends the human rights of LGBT people as part of our comprehensive human rights policy and as a priority of our foreign policy. In our embassies, our diplomats are raising concerns about specific cases and laws, and working with a range of partners to strengthen human rights protections for all. In Washington, we have created a task force at the State Department to support and coordinate this work. And in the coming months, we will provide every embassy with a toolkit to help improve their efforts. And we have created a program that offers emergency support to defenders of human rights for LGBT people.

This morning, back in Washington, President Obama put into place the first U.S. Government strategy dedicated to combating human rights abuses against LGBT persons abroad. Building on efforts already underway at the State Department and across the government, the President has directed all U.S. Government agencies engaged overseas to combat the criminalization of LGBT status and conduct, to enhance efforts to protect vulnerable LGBT refugees and asylum seekers, to ensure that our foreign assistance promotes the protection of LGBT rights, to enlist international organizations in the fight against discrimination, and to respond swiftly to abuses against LGBT persons.

I am also pleased to announce that we are launching a new Global Equality Fund that will support the work of civil society organizations working on these issues around the world. This fund will help them record facts so they can target their advocacy, learn how to use the law as a tool, manage their budgets, train their staffs, and forge partnerships with women’s organizations and other human rights groups. We have committed more than $3 million to start this fund, and we have hope that others will join us in supporting it.

The women and men who advocate for human rights for the LGBT community in hostile places, some of whom are here today with us, are brave and dedicated, and deserve all the help we can give them. We know the road ahead will not be easy. A great deal of work lies before us. But many of us have seen firsthand how quickly change can come. In our lifetimes, attitudes toward gay people in many places have been transformed. Many people, including myself, have experienced a deepening of our own convictions on this topic over the years, as we have devoted more thought to it, engaged in dialogues and debates, and established personal and professional relationships with people who are gay.

This evolution is evident in many places. To highlight one example, the Delhi High Court decriminalized homosexuality in India two years ago, writing, and I quote, “If there is one tenet that can be said to be an underlying theme of the Indian constitution, it is inclusiveness.” There is little doubt in my mind that support for LGBT human rights will continue to climb. Because for many young people, this is simple: All people deserve to be treated with dignity and have their human rights respected, no matter who they are or whom they love.

There is a phrase that people in the United States invoke when urging others to support human rights: “Be on the right side of history.” The story of the United States is the story of a nation that has repeatedly grappled with intolerance and inequality. We fought a brutal civil war over slavery. People from coast to coast joined in campaigns to recognize the rights of women, indigenous peoples, racial minorities, children, people with disabilities, immigrants, workers, and on and on. And the march toward equality and justice has continued. Those who advocate for expanding the circle of human rights were and are on the right side of history, and history honors them. Those who tried to constrict human rights were wrong, and history reflects that as well.

I know that the thoughts I’ve shared today involve questions on which opinions are still evolving. As it has happened so many times before, opinion will converge once again with the truth, the immutable truth, that all persons are created free and equal in dignity and rights. We are called once more to make real the words of the Universal Declaration. Let us answer that call. Let us be on the right side of history, for our people, our nations, and future generations, whose lives will be shaped by the work we do today. I come before you with great hope and confidence that no matter how long the road ahead, we will travel it successfully together. Thank you very much."

Later all... ;)

The Magicians

2011-12-05T03:21:00.001-05:00

I recently finished reading "The Magicians" by Lev Grossman. It was a novel that was recommended to me in the summer but I hadn't gotten around to reading it - or rather I hadn't gotten around to actually seeking the book out.

First and foremost I must say that I am a fan (I just began reading the sequel: The Magician King). I was actually convinced that I would enjoy the book by/before the end of the second chapter. Despite its mooching off of other well-known fantasy stories including, but not limited to, Narnia, Harry Potter, and Oz, Grossman manages to eke out his own style of storytelling that is both familiar and new all at once.

The themes and tools are all familiar - but with a modern twist - and swearing. Harry Potter and the kids in Narnia never swore. Sex, drugs and drama. Oh yes, and magic.

I wasn't clear where the book was heading or how it planned to evolve. The book begins with the main character, Quentin, discovering that magic is real, being admitted into a magical school and so on and so forth. The strange thing was that the author was flying through the years when Quentin was at school so that by the time he wrapped up taking us through Quentin's 4-5 years at school we were only half way through the book. What could come next? Well, what comes next, once you read it, seems obvious and if you didn't see it coming you feel as though you should have.

The second half of the book is more Naria while the first half is more like Harry Potter. The book, while about learning and growing, is really dark and depressing. It touches on how miserable so many people are with their lives. How even when we have so much we're still never happy. Grossman touches on today's generation's sense of entitlement and constant disappointment.

I can't speak for the second book just yet, but the first one gets a thumbs up from me. Seek it out - it's not entirely a feel-good book - but then, as the novel strives to show us, life isn't always a feel-good journey.

Later all... ;)

2011-11-07T01:34:00.001-05:00

It has been a while since I've really craved writing. I have gone through these phases before. Sometimes it's for a week, a month, sometimes even a summer. So why am I writing now? I'm not quite sure exactly.

Not much has really changed. A lot of work. A lot of trying to be more social with friends. I've been watching a lot of TV. I've been reading more books - ebooks actually. It's been pretty handy to have books on my ipod. I carry the device around with me anyway. A book however is something that I think that I would often forget.

I've been on and off with my gym routine. But mostly on. I made it through my SAD this year and only really experienced mild symptoms. I suppose that I have gotten used to dealing with it over the years. I know the signs and I know how to deal with it. So things are good.

I've been doing a lot of work over the year. October was a very busy month. I didn't have very restful sleeps. This past week has been amazing for sleep. I finally feel rested. I feel pretty fantastic.

I've met a few new people this year. Some good. Some bad. Mostly good. :)

Right now I am taking part in Movember - growing a mustache and raising money for prostate cancer. Looking silly for a good cause.

You can follow my progress HERE. Feel free to donate as well! I will do my best to post a photo or two on this blog before the month is over. If you're curious, I'm going for a handlebar. Should be good. ;)

I made it through my first baby shower unscathed! My friends Beth and CJ are expecting a new baby in the next couple of months. This is their first child. I was worried that I would be walking into a party filled with cutsie games - thankfully Beth and CJ are well aware of who their friends are, and what everyone likes and doesn't like. I think that the consensus was to make it a friendly party for both genders, lol. There were a lot of kids in the room, so I have a sneaking feeling many of those people have been through it before. But again, it was my first. I'm sure that I am a better person for it. :P

Later this month the Muppets are coming out with a new movie. I'm actually pretty excited for it. Having grown up watching their shows and movies I really do get a kick out of them.

Later all... ;)

NO SOUP FOR YOU

2011-10-04T00:36:00.002-04:00

I am beyond disappointed right now. It's Fall, which I love, and in Fall I start to make soup. Tonight I made my first batch of soup and guess what I did... I over salted the soup. Not just a little. A lot. *face palm*

I refuse to throw it out. I am going to get some more groceries and make a second batch and mix the two together. But really I am so tempted to dump it all and start over. So sad. So very sad. I wish that there was an easier way to save the soup other than double or (hopefully not) tripling the recipe.

Live and learn people. Don't measure out your salt from the source right above the pot. It doesn't matter how careful you are - you will fail. Maybe not the first time. Maybe not even the second time. But eventually you will stumble or the bag will rip and your soup will be a salty mess.

...

Later all... ;)

LITERACY

2011-09-30T02:39:00.001-04:00

Today was a strangely surprising day. I woke up around my usual time, after hitting the snooze button at least 5 times... on both alarms. I even had time to shovel some breakfast into me before heading out the door towards the bus.

It was rainy in the morning so I decided that I was just going to walk to the subway and travel the one stop to the bus just to avoid the spitting rain - which in all honesty wasn't that bad. Normally I would walk in the rain and enjoy it, but there's nothing worse than getting to work all wet, especially when the office is already much like a sauna.

There is an alleyway behind my house that I take as a shortcut. On my block I couldn't actually tell you what is on the main street anymore since for the one stretch I only see things from behind. I weave in an out of parked cars and know how I am doing for time when I see a woman in a motorized wheelchair zoom by and stop off at the upholstery shop. I'm confident that it is her husband that runs the place and she checks in every morning.

Today, however, I didn't run into that woman; instead I ran into someone I haven't seen in about six or seven years. His name is Adam and I met him in 2004 when I took part in the laborer-teacher program offered through Frontier College. We both worked on a fruit farm outside of Leamington, Ontario. He was a seasoned pro as he had done the program before, worked with the same men and quite frankly was a much better ESL teacher than I was.

That summer there were a lot of people in Leamington and there were five of us working on this one farm. Myself, Adam, Emily, Maryanne and Paul. While on the farm Adam and Emily hooked up - and from what Adam tells me they are still together and living together quite happily. They just recently moved about two blocks from where I live, which explained why I was just running into him now.

It was my first Literacy-related blast from the past for the day. It was quite out of the ordinary and I figured that would fill the quota for a while.

Later in the day I received a message on Facebook from a girl, Erin, who also studied at Queen's. We were both also a part of the literacy groups funded by Frontier College - Queen's Students for Literacy. She got in touch out of the blue to see how I was. We had run into one another when I was living in the east end of the city on the Danforth. She is still living out in that direction with her husband. She had mentioned how she had recently been in touch with another QSL tutor, and I told her that I had been in touch with the program's director about a year ago.

This day was certainly heading in a specific direction.

Last night I downloaded a sample of Tina Fey's 'Bossypants'. I found it to be pretty funny, which didn't surprise me since I love most of the work she does in Film and on TV. I was annoyed to find that ebooks still cost a fortune even though there are no materials to deal with. I'm sure someone in the publishing industry could explain it to me in a way that I would respect that their jobs depend on those prices, but as a consumer faced with a download, I certainly don't want to be dishing out $14 for a book that I'll never actually hold in my hands.

Facebook friends to the rescue! A girl I had met at Queen's got in touch to solve my Bossypants dilemma. Suffice it to say that I am about halfway through the book and I'm loving it.

Did I mention that I got home from work to find another QSL associate had accepted a request on LinkedIn? Today was all about reconnecting with past friends and colleagues. All literacy-related. It was strange, but in the nicest way possible.

Right now I am writing this post while it pours outside. I am looking forward to falling asleep to the sound of the rain. So relaxing. And I love the smell.

Later all... ;)

WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?

2011-09-09T01:35:00.000-04:00

I have often spoken about my irritation when it comes to the issue of blood donation and the outright ban of gay men (men who have had sex with another man).

A recent article mentions that the ban may be lifted and replaced with a 12 month deferral (read it here). While a temporary "deferral" is a step in the right direction, as far as I am concerned, it still isn't really good enough considering that all blood is tested and that HIV testing (because HIV is really what everyone is concerned with here) has become pretty advanced/accurate and fast.

I haven't given blood since I was in high school. I gave once and then had to wait a while because I had gotten a tattoo. By the time that deferral was over I was in university and in the process of coming out. I would definitely give blood on a regular basis if I was given the chance. However even a 12 month deferral would mean that I would have to abstain from sex in order to give blood. Not a problem if I am single and not dating. But while this restriction is placed on me and people in a similar situation it is still not placed on heterosexual partners.

In July I had an HIV test which came back negative. I had another one a year before that. Having this test done is more for my own peace of mind - and to be smart about my choices. If I was sick and didn't know it I could unknowingly pass it onto a partner. However if I was HIV positive and gave blood that blood, presumably, wouldn't get used since all donated blood is tested. There is a fail-safe when it comes to donating blood.

I still say that I could just lie about my being gay and give blood anyhow, but I'm not about to do that. If blood services really cared about their blood shortages they would examine their restrictions. Some make sense. Some do not. For years I have disagreed with their stance on this one, and my opinion isn't about to change anytime soon.

It's not my right to give blood, but I sure do have the right to be offended that they won't let me. For now it's in me to keep.

Later all... ;)

SWEATER WEATHER

2011-06-09T23:39:00.003-04:00

Growing up we all have certain things about ourselves that we're not necessarily comfortable with. Some are things that we can change while others are out of our control - so so it would seem.

I can remember the smallest things would get me sweating. Wrestling with my brother in the basement. I can remember him laughing at me and commenting on how I must be tired because I was sweating so much. I remember saying even back then that I wasn't tired, I just sweat a lot. Apparently I didn't think it was going to be a very big problem.

When I went away to university I bought a new bag to carry my books. It was a side satchel / man purse / etc. Whatever you want to call it. All that mattered to me was that I would have something that wouldn't hug my armpits and cause huge pit stains by the time I made it to school.

So many of my shirts over the years have been wrecked because of sweating. I've wrecked some good shirts because I just can't stop sweating. I have some really comfy shirts in my closet that I will only wear around the house because they are pretty badly stained and it's too embarrassing to wear them out.

Looking at photos of people, or even seeing them in person, raising their arms after being out for a while with no sweat stains made me incredibly jealous and made me feel pretty self conscious. In recent years I haven't been able to make it to work without starting to sweat through my shirts - let alone making it to the end of a party!

When I was in high school we would all make fun of the librarian because he sat in a highly air conditioned library and would sweat through his shirts like nothing else. As a kid it didn't make any sense, and I certainly didn't equate my sweating issues with his. Well, over the years my sweating got worse and now I was no longer laughing. I had become the guy who would sweat through his shirts in an air conditioned room. Great.

Over the last while I was reading about different options to help stop the sweating - or at least to greatly reduce it. Normal antiperspirants do nothing for me - sometimes I feel as though they just make me sweat more, lol. I read about stronger things to buy, people who have surgery and some people who get botox. I was even at the point where I wanted to try the botox, but you know, it's expensive and only lasts for part of a year. So I went to the drug store and picked up a product called Drysol.

Drysol is my new favorite thing. Ever.

It was actually great timing that I made the purchase this week because we had some of the hottest weather in Toronto this week - hot and humid. A great way to test how things were going.

Now, for comparison, before I used Drysol I would walk to the bus and it would take me all the way to work. Often by the time I got to the bus I was starting to sweat through my shirt (any/all shirts) regardless of the weather. By the time I arrived at work I would shuffle into the washroom to dab my underarms with paper towel to try to help things out. I would try to lift my arms up throughout the day to help air things out, lol. Really, by lunch time I had usually sweat right through my shirt. It wasn't always visible, depending on the shirt, but I could feel it, and it made me feel like crap.

For the last three days (while using the Drysol) I wore long sleeve shirts - actually things I would normally wear in the fall, but I wore them on the hottest days we've had so far. And you know what - I made it to work - Dry. I would head to the washroom midday - Dry. I would pretend to scratch myself later in the day - Dry. I would make it home at the end of the work day - DRY!!! I still sweat, but now I do it like a normal person.

For anyone who doesn't have a sweating problem this must seem silly. But to have gone all of my life sweating through clothing and dealing with ruining shirts, embarrassment from visible pit stains, etc. Even sitting at home in a cool room in front of a fan and having the sweating start for no reason. This is a dream come true. I'm so happy - I can't even explain it. It makes me want to but some new shirts that I wouldn't have bought before for fear of sweating through them, lol.

I always had a sweating problem. My body also runs warm on average as well. I like to cuddle and I'm pretty furry. I would always joke that if I was an article of clothing I would be a sweater. It was my way to make light of the situation.

If you were to ask me now? I'd be a hoodie. Or maybe a windbreaker. But that's another thing all together. ;) j/k. hehe.

Later all... ;)

JUSTICE?

2011-05-02T02:02:00.003-04:00

I strongly hold a somewhat unpopular view. While at times I believe that many people share my belief, there are other times, times like tonight, when people cannot understand how I am able to take my belief to extremes.

I do not support capital punishment. The act has been abolished throughout most of Europe, South America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand and yet when it occurs there are people who rejoice and are happy to see it happen. In my mind killing begets killing. Killing a killer creates another killer. It sends a message that killing another individual under the 'right' circumstances makes it OK. For myself, it is never OK. I am unwavering on this stance.

On December 30, 2006 Saddam Hussein was executed (sentenced to death by hanging) after being found guilty and convicted of crimes against humanity. I remember when I saw the headline. I was walking by Union Station in Toronto, Ontario and felt nothing but sadness. It is quite difficult to express clearly all of the reasons why, at that moment, I felt sad. Was I going to mourn Hussein? No, the chances of that happening were not likely. However I did mourn the loss of a human life at the hands of other human hands.

Saddam Hussein did many terrible things in life so it is understandable why so many people in the world would hate him and even wish him dead. And even though I did not share the same wish, I could understand it nonetheless. I didn't hear much of the event once it had happened. I saw the headline and that was about as far as it went with me. I never heard about it again.

Today it was announced by the United States President Barack Obama that US military forces had attacked and killed Osama Bin Laden. And here we are again. The death of a leader who had committed many terrible deeds. While Obama spoke of the events he was congratulating the troops and all who worked to make it happen. He was not arrogant, nor foolish and recognized that this one death is not an end. Bin Laden's death will undoubtedly be seen by many as justice being served. I see it as capital punishment, minus the courts and sentencing.

I am often asked what the proper alternative would be. Jail? Perhaps. I do not claim to have answers or alternative solutions, but I do believe that killing is never the answer.

In fairy tales, comic books and various different stories the difference between the heroes and the villains is that the villains are willing to kill for what they believe in while the heroes almost always believe that there is another way. True enough issues are never black and white, but it makes me wonder what people think when they see the military rush in to kill the bad guy. Killing is OK because he was bad? Adults may be able to pick apart the issues and come up with reasons to justify the act, but when kids see their heroes killing the bad guys are we simply teaching each generation that killing is the answer? Is the message at all being sent that maybe it's something that is done as a last resort? And does that make it OK? I would argue no, it does not make it OK.

It would be so much easier I think if I could sit back and agree with what goes on in the world. Kill them. Why waste resources keeping them locked up for life. They are like a cancer that needs to be cut out and destroyed. But life isn't that easy, and I cannot think that way.

The newsfeed on my facebook account is filled with people celebrating the death of Bin Laden. I am hoping that, given some time, the world will stop celebrating the death of another human being and begin to celebrate the fact that there is one less individual actively working to bring harm to others.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
- Mahatma Gandhi

Later all... ;)

LAND HO!

2011-04-01T20:21:00.003-04:00

When asked about some of my interests I often talk about how I love to read. I am immediately asked what books I enjoy and if I've got any on the go. I immediately feel silly and have to put myself in check because it has been a long while since I picked up a novel, but far too often I am found reading comic books - still very valid, but less impressive (depending on the audience).

For other comic book lovers out there I am asked who my favorite writers and artists are. To be honest I never know what to answer since I read that info as often as I watch the end credits to a movie. I.E. never.

The writers, well, I don't think that I will ever pay much attention to that; the illustrations, however, are something else entirely. It should be no surprise to anyone that I love looking at images. So many things out there to inspire me in my own work. I know a few illustrators that I enjoy, though truthfully I do not know their names, only by seeing their artwork. One artist that I do enjoy is Greg Land. (Google image search for him here)

What's interesting about Land is that he is criticized for being a tracer. *gasp* I think that it is perhaps other illustrators out there that attack him for his methods. But does Land's often used tracing techniques make him any less of an artist? I would like to argue no. Honestly, my only complaint about his artwork is that the characters often look like the same person and there isn't much variation in facial expressions. Despite this, I love looking at his artwork. I really truly do. Heavily traced or not. (I believe most of his tracings are over actual photographs, not other drawings)

It is often said that nothing is original as everything is inspired or stolen from someone or somewhere else. On a weekly basis I find myself online searching for inspiration for the artwork I have to produce in the following days. I think that there have only really been two times that I designed something that was a little too close to what originally inspired the work. That being said, I take inspiration from all over the place, and my work is definitely my own - I seem to have a certain style going. I think that every designer has a certain look/feel to their work.

So back to Land. Even if he does trace a lot of his work I think that he does an amazing job. Sure, I could trace photos and try to produce something along the lines of what he does. But I can't. Because he's really good at what he does.

Now, if only he could work on drawing some different facial expressions and hair styles to help everyone look a little different. Then we'd be all set. :)

Later all... ;)

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING

2011-03-25T21:38:00.002-04:00

I was mentioning to a couple of people lately that I find it strange that I have found myself where I am.

A few years ago I was pretty happy with my social life and didn't have any concerns about where I was supposed to fit in or where I was going to hang out. My main worry, really, was the fact that I had no idea what I was going to do for work or even what to do.

Today the tables have turned. I know exactly what I want to do and what I will continue to want to do for years - graphic design. Only now I'm struggling to figure out where I fit in, not only socially but also within the city. I have lived in Etobicoke, the West end and the East end. I'm in the process of moving back to the West end where I feel as though I will seriously dig in and get to know it. I'm also working hard to meet new people and make some really great friends. All in all my social life is active, but I'm not entirely sure where I fit in just yet.

I was saying to a friend earlier tonight how for a while I kept wanting to go back to this club on Church St. I'm not sure why because I hate drunk people and crowds and if you know me you'll know that if you add gay people to the mix I like it even less. And yet I really wanted to go. Well, on St. Patty's Day we ended up at this very bar and I was pretty underwhelmed. I suppose I just needed to get it out of my system or to remind myself why I'm never there. It's not my thing, not really. I prefer pubs, cooking and drinking wine with friends, etc. That's more my speed. :)

I have a friend coming over on Sunday to help me move a lot of the small stuff over to the new place. He's got a car so we can just load it up. Which reminds me, I still have to call the movers to set up a day to do the big move!

Anyway, now that I have a focus on work, what I want and where I want to go, it's time for me to focus on my social life again. It's a tough one though - as a homebody I would often rather sit at home reading, cooking or listening to music. It's a work in progress. We'll leave it at that. :P

Later all... ;)

HELLO WEDNESDAY!

2011-03-23T23:24:00.003-04:00

I'm already looking forward to the weekend. Though I am not entirely sure as to why. I work tomorrow, have Friday off, work Saturday, have Sunday off and then work all week again. I don't have an active week/weekend planned out like last week.

BUT, you know what I will be doing - moving more things to the new place! That much I do know. So far I have only moved some books and jackets over. I am going to start moving kitchen stuff over, and maybe some clothes that I know I won't wear from now until Cosette and I make the big official move.

On Friday I have to make some more phone calls to change some addresses for bills, etc. I have made a list of addresses to update but I am confident that I will leave one out. Here's hoping that if I forget one it's not very important!

This week is flying by for me. I can hardly believe tomorrow is Thursday. I've had a pretty fun week at work. Last week we got a week ahead on club flyers because we were prepping materials for Fashion Week here in Toronto. (If you want to check out some of the Polaroids we designed go here!)

We actually just got the 'Polaroids' in from the printer today and they look pretty awesome all lined up. They are designed to size, so it's kinda neat to flip through them all as though they were real photos. Fun project for sure.

Since we got that out of the way last week it meant that I didn't have any club flyers to work on this week. In a big way it was a major relief because I needed to give my brain a chance to recharge. All week I've been working more straightforward artwork. Some for a property down in Florida, and some materials for a certain after party being hosted at the Liberty Grand this weekend... :P

Thursday is going to be a day for me to finish off some smaller projects and work on a mobile site. Ahh, coding all day. Actually, it's pretty fun. It's not hard. More tedious really. But it's such a nice change. I love doing club flyers, but it's nice to get my hands on different projects from time to time. :)

And I changed my blog header to reflect Spring and the fact that it has been raining... Well, it's been snowing all day, lol. But I refuse to change it back. It's Spring damn it!

Later all... ;)

IF I WAS AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING

2011-03-21T23:45:00.002-04:00

I would be a big comfy sweater.

It's officially Spring. The weather is getting warmer. We're going to be getting a lot more rain. The birds are coming back and the trees will no doubt start turning green in the not too distant future.

It's easier and more enjoyable to walk around the city - opposed to taking public transportation. I can open the windows and air out the apartment. The days are getting longer and I get to leave work while there is still daylight to be enjoyed.

Another great thing is getting to wear fewer clothes - well, what I actually mean is that you get to wear fewer layers - or at least lighter layers.

This year will be pretty good for my roomie and I because we are moving into a new place that will have air conditioning. That is especially great considering how warm it has been in our current apartment these past few summers. We just weren't willing to go through another.

The only thing I have to worry about is getting my body to adjust to the new temperature. I'm a walking furnace. Spring and summer are do no completely agree with my body. I love the seasons for so many reasons - too many to list - but getting my body to readjust to warmer weather is tough. The transition into Fall and Winter is super easy because my body really seems to love the cold. Even now that it is getting warmer, I can already see myself looking forward to the Fall. That being said, I am totally looking forward to enjoying this Spring/Summer in the city. I think a little more beach time is in order. :)

But I'm getting off track. Walking furnace. Sure, it comes in handy on a cold rainy day, but on warmer humid days I would just like to craw into a hole, lol. Not really. But it will take a while for my body to adjust. I've asked my doctors over the years about it and they always just say that some people simply run warm. People have always told me I was hot, but come on! ;) lol.

I am also a little interested in seeing how often I make it into the gym this summer. When it's hot out I tend to not want to go to a gym to sweat even more. However, if we do in fact end up with A/C I may not avoid the gym like I did last year.

Speaking of the new place, I still have to call the movers to schedule a day for them to come get our stuff. I am pretty excited to move into this place. When we moved into our current place we (though mostly me) didn't decorate. The new place is making me want to take a trip to Ikea and other smaller places to get some things to make the place look nice.

I have been avoiding decorating too much because I don't want to have to get rid of a lot of things once I go to move into my 'real home' - you know, that place you move with your long-term partner or spouse - that place you intend to stay for years and years. I just don't want to spend too much money on things that I don't intend on keeping. I will just have to be cautious when I make purchases. A lamp here, a frame there... how could I possibly go wrong?! :P

Anyway, my roomie and I should be all moved over by early April at the latest (even though we don't have to be out of here until the end of April). Why wait, right?

Ooh, also, Boyce Avenue is putting on a show in Toronto on Thursday night I kinda wanna see. :P Sadly, because of work I'd have to show up late --- and I'm not a fan of doing that. But I really enjoy everything they post on youtube - original stuff or covers.

Later all... ;)

END GOAL

2011-03-03T01:17:00.003-05:00

I had a goal to go to the gym five days in a row. At the end of day three I went to bed with a migraine. On day four I woke up with a migraine. The gym really just was not going to happen.

During my time off from the gym I had time to think about everything that I was doing. I was thinking about the progress that I have been making. I started to get down on myself because I didn't look how I wanted to look at that particular moment.

If you've noticed anything about my posts about my trips to the gym it's that I didn't mention any specific goals. Or rather an end goal. It's really unfair to expect results of any kind overnight. But it's easy to lose track of that.

The intensity and regularity of my workouts has only really increased in the last two weeks. Even in that time I feel a big difference even if I don't see it in the mirror.

Every week I watch the Biggest Loser and I see these people fighting week in and week out for results. You see how it's sometimes hard for them to keep everything in perspective. But when we see flashbacks we see really how far they have come. The same is true for me. I see myself every day, so I can't fully appreciate the changes that are going on all of the time. Until my pants or shirts fit dramatically different, it all seems the same for a while.

You may be asking what my goal is for my new exercise regime. Well, I thought of scene in a movie that I really love. The character really puts it quite plainly when asked what he wanted out of all of his exercise. And I think it's really what we all want, you know, aside from flexibility, health, speed, endurance... If we're all truly honest with ourselves, what we all *really* want is this:

Later all... ;)

HEATER

2011-02-22T22:52:00.002-05:00

All of my life I have enjoyed the cold. I remember sticking my bare hands in the snow as a child to the point where they were terribly chapped. While it sure as heck pissed off my mother, it seemed to have no effect on me whatsoever.

I can't remember the last time I actually did up my (winter) jacket because I was cold. The only time my jackets close is if there's a danger of getting wet. I don't even think that I've worn my gloves yet - and winter is almost over!

Well, I've always been a heater. I produce an absurd amount of heat. I have asked my doctor about it many times and they all give me the same answer - Some people just run warm. Great.

Actually, for many reasons it has been great. I love that the Canadian winter doesn't get to me like it does others. For me the problem tends to be the warmer months, because let's be honest, the last thing a heater needs is more heat.

Something strange happened yesterday/today. For the first time in I don't even know how long I felt cold. My feet are cold, my arms are chilly - and I even brought my earmuffs along just in case. It seems this heater is broken. An I blame the gym.

I don't actually *blame* the gym, but I do think that my recent long weekend of exercise has something to do with it. My body, in general, produces a lot of heat. If I don't do anything aside from sitting and eating it's only fair to assume that my body will store up that heat/energy. Sometimes it just means that I'm too warm just sitting around. Other times it means that I'm toasty warm while walking around the city on a cold windy day. But now it seems different.

I think that going to the gym so often got a lot of that stored heat/energy out of my system. I really just worked it out of me. Plus, going to the gym more often means that I am going to lose body fat - which means I will have less insulation! I suppose this bear's dream of hibernating is toast.

It's probably way too early to tell if this is actually what is going on, but it's going to be interesting to see what happens if I keep up with the gym routine. Tonight and tomorrow are my days off. I am planning on hitting up the gym Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Think I can do it? Given that the last four days were spent in the gym and I was still craving the gym today, I would have to say yes. I can totally do it.

I was saying to my friend Heather today that going to the gym is completely worthwhile, and kind of addictive. After all, the alternative is often me sitting at home eating. Not exactly the routine I want to have.

Who know, my loss of heat may be a temporary thing. We'll just have to wait and see. Maybe I'll talk about it again next Tuesday night as I reflect on another string of visits to the gym.

Later all... ;)

LOST...ISH

2011-02-22T02:55:00.005-05:00

Since I moved to Toronto - or perhaps it's better if I say that it has been since leaving Kingston, I have had trouble figuring out where I belong. For some reason finding my place always seemed easier. It was actually easier, no doubt, because I was in school and it was easier to fall into a certain space.

In Kingston I had school, work, volunteer experiences and friends. With the move to Toronto I lost the volunteer aspect to my routine. I think that this is where I began to lose myself. But losing the volunteering was for a good reason - I had to focus on school so that I could do well and get a good job.

Now it is coming up on two years since I graduated, and the job aside, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be. *exactly where you are* are the words that begin to run through my head. But something feels like it's missing.

Sometimes I say that it's a group of solid friends that I see often. When I lived in Kingston I began to keep my friends separate. At the time it was a sort of defense mechanism from letting too many people know me too well. Secrets, so many secrets. lol. Well, even now I keep my friends separate and all I really want is a group of people. People who know me. I love my current friends - I really do. But something is missing.

The volunteering. I think that it made me feel like I had some extra purpose. Work gives me a purpose, but all work and no play... Not that volunteering is necessarily a play thing, but it is something outside of work where you can help people and be a part of the community. I do miss that. My stumbling block with that is that I don't want to do what I did before. Tutoring. I enjoyed it, and I would probably enjoy it again, but I'd like something different.

It's no secret that since I came out to people that I have had trouble figuring out where I fit in. Oddly enough as I watch this current season of 90210 the character Teddy is going through the very same thing. He has just come out of the closet and is no longer sure where to go or what to do. He doesn't fit into his old 'straight' life, and he isn't really attracted to what is being offered to him in the gay community.

The trouble really is, where do you find the answer? What do you do when you don't feel connected to either group? There are certain things that I do know. I love coffee shops and pubs. I like to cook and go to the gym. I'd really like to fall in love, get married, and given the right circumstances (partner, job, etc.) I would probably want a kid or two. But there's a big gap in between coffee shops and babies.

And that's where I am right now. I don't want my entire life to be work - but honestly, I don't really know what else to do with myself at the moment. It's not even necessarily a complaint... It's just something that has always been on my mind - and has been even more so over the last couple of weeks.

More of my posts over the next little while will probably be talking about this. I guess there's still a lot I've kept bottled up and hidden, despite thinking that I have been pretty open and honest. The only way that I will figure out where I'm supposed to be is to embrace the feelings that I have. If I have the urge to do something different then I should do it. Nothing will ever change if I keep living life the exact same way.

Who knows, maybe the Teddy-90210 storyline will give me the answer. lol. (You can watch the entire clip below --- or skip to 4:30 to the part where Teddy talks about not knowing where he fits in anymore).

Later all... ;)

GYM

2011-02-20T18:42:00.003-05:00

I realize that my last post was about exercise and going to the gym but I have been going a lot lately and feel like talking about it a little bit.

In the summer of 2004 I went off and worked on a farm and taught ESL. It was quite a unique summer that I won't forget. I think, at the time, one of the hardest things initially was getting into proper shape. I was a little overweight when I left to go to the farm and when I returned at the end of the summer I was a twig, lol. It's not really surprising since I was working outdoors seven days a week and then often biked into town.

After a few weeks of working my body stopped aching and really started to enjoy/thrive on the constant exercise. I'm reminded of that experience because this weekend I gave myself a challenge - to go to the gym every single day. In Ontario people have Monday off for Family Day, but I also had Friday off, so I had a lot of spare time on my hands. Instead of sitting back, eating and watching lots of TV I decided to be more active and head off to the gym. In my mind it's like I'm on the biggest loser in that I'm in the gym everyday.

Today was day 3 of 4. It was actually a ton of fun. I was dreading today a little bit because I thought that I was going to be tired and not want to do anything. When going more often the key is changing the routine. Today I used the rowing machine - something I haven't really used in about 4 years - it was kind of nice - and different!

I did some free weights for the first time in a long time yesterday - again very nice. I have to start doing a little bit of research for different workout routines to keep myself motivated, without losing focus.

I do feel a little sore right now, but I also feel energized and am really looking forward to the gym tomorrow. While I realize this is a special case (four days off from work), I cannot see myself getting into the gym everyday on a normal work week. I would be way too tired. That being said, I am going to plan on going to the gym an extra day a week - that is four days (up from three). I think I can do it and as long as I can keep up with the laundry I should be fine!

The other thing that I lie about more exercise is that it really helps to control my eating habits. I'm more in tune with what my body is needing and when. It's more clear to me when I'm more active when I am eating out of necessity versus eating 'just because'.

I still have one day to go on this first 4 day trial - wish me luck! :)

Later all... ;)

WORK IT OUT

2011-02-15T01:18:00.003-05:00

I haven't been that great at making regular posts on this blog (just certain nights where I post about several things). One thing that I have been sure to keep up on however is my exercise routine and better eating habits.

First, my eating habits have improved drastically since I dropped to one day a week at the food store. By not being there I no longer have easy access to sweets - sweets that I would otherwise not buy. When I go to buy groceries it's pretty rare that I will find myself giving in and buying sweets (usually in cake form). The rest is easy really. I like veggies. I like grains. I even still get some chicken, fish and some dairy. My body isn't really even missing the sweets.

I was at the food store for a shift on Monday and I didn't really have any cravings. I had a bit of a cookie and threw most of it out. Someone brought in these super delicious brownies (which, now that I think of it I should have brought home and hidden in the freezer), and I only had a small piece to go with my huge salad.

And then there's the gym routine. For a long time I was only doing cardio which helped lower some body fat, but I was still feeling kind of weak. Then I introduced weights to the routine. This made me feel pretty darn great, but after a while I was noticing that I would spend more of my visit on the weights and less and less on cardio. I needed to find some balance.

On the days that I have to go into work I have decided to alternate cardio and weights. On my days off from work when I go to the gym I plan to make it a longer visit --- I do my weights first and then the cardio. So I really have to fuel up for that one.

Since I've stated balancing out the cardio and the weights I have started to see some results that I am really enjoying. My pseudo-goal is to get to where I was when I had a personal trainer in Kingston. This isn't really going to happen - at least not the same way - since he was there to spot me with free weights. For now I stick with the weight machines. Eventually I think that I'll try free weights again, but nothing major until I have a gym buddy to help out - and you know, prevent me from dropping a gigantic weight on myself. :)

I saw someone at the food store who hadn't seen me in about a month and she commented almost immediately on what a change she saw. It was actually kind of funny because she had grabbed my arm... then my shoulder, then my arm again. This is where she got kind of girly and asked if I had been working out a lot lately. ha. It was pretty funny. But at the same time it was really nice to see that I am not the only one noticing the changes.

And let's be completely honest. While I enjoy getting exercise, there are days when going to the gym is a complete pain in the butt, and even when I am there it's a miserable experience. But it's worth it in the end. Keeping with my routine, whether I always like it or not, will help me maintain a healthy weight, and overall fitness over the long term.

And hey, I have suits now that cost me a lot of money --- I can't go gaining tons of weight or I'll never be able to suit up like I want. :P

Later all... ;)

I'D RATHER BE ME

2011-02-15T00:34:00.004-05:00

How out are you? Out at school. Out at work. Out with all of your friends and family. It's something I sometimes wonder about. I'm not overly vocal about my sexuality. Sure I write about it on my blog from time to time - that is, when I'm not throwing around 'they' and 'them' instead of 'he' and 'him'.

I'm still trying to think of how many people I have actually come out to in person. Lots of people found out through an email, a letter, an MSN chat, and some through this very blog.

Why is that? What I mean is, why haven't I actually come out to more people in person?

For starters, I don't really talk about my sexuality in everyday life unless someone specifically asks about it. Friends will ask about it all - you know, because friends talk about everything. And if you can't talk to your friends about things who can you talk to?

It's kind of strange though. At both of my jobs I keep my dating life very private. Sort of. At the food store there is always a handful of gay guys. There are some that are more upfront about it. More vocal about it. Which is fine. It's just like the the women talking about it all. But I've never been one to really go on an on about any of it. At least not at work. With friends it's a different story because I have no qualms about going on and on about who I've got my eye on. :P

At my design job the other designer is openly gay and is engaged. It's talked about. Nobody cares. It's just part of who he is. While I'm sure that almost everyone at the food store knows about my sexuality, I'm not so sure that people have the same awareness at the design job.

So why don't I talk about it more? I think that it stems from not wanting people to automatically place me into a stereotype of who they think I am just because I'm gay. I'd rather people get to know me before they get to know that I'm gay. I'd rather they know that I'm a cynic, I'm like Grumpy Bear from the Care Bears. I'm sarcastic. I'm a good designer. I'm a good friend. I like to cook. I like to eat. I enjoy going to the gym and getting exercise. There is so much more that I would like people to associate with me other than - That's Todd, he's gay. I'd rather not be the gay friend. I'd rather not be the gay co-worker. I just want to be seen as other people are seen.

I remember when I was in school for design when people found out that I was gay. It was actually pretty close to the end of the school year. I think people found out through my blog. My friend told me about it and mentioned how someone said they were really surprised and they talked about how well I hid it. Ugh. As if. But that's kind of what I'm talking about. They got to know me first. Everyone has preconceived notions about what a gay person is supposed to be like. So when they found out, and I didn't fit their idea of what a gay person acted like, I was really good at hiding/faking it.

But that's a minority of the people I know. Most people love that I'm gay. I think they think it's fun. My sister was excited when she first found out. lol.

I suppose I have some real problems when it comes to my mother and my extended family. I don't give people enough credit, really. My mother hasn't mentioned it since I first told her. I'm sure there's some psych reference for it, but I'd really just like my mother to openly accept me and talk to me about who I am and how I live my life beyond work, the weather and grocery shopping.

I think that a lot of my extended family actually found out because of my sister. Go Stacey Go! lol. I haven't actually spoken with my extended family about it, though I have received various emails over the years about it stating that they are OK with it and are open to it - open to me bringing people around. Even though I've never talked with them about it, just that simple message, that acceptance means a lot to me - just knowing that I could go to them if I needed them.

I think that I've prided myself, in a way, on my ability to 'fool' people. To know people for a while without them really realizing that I'm gay. I like it because it means they are getting to know different parts of me first. I would say that it has a lot to do with wanting to fit in to a certain degree. Nobody really wants to always be the dreaded 'other' - nobody. Sure, I like to be different. I take pride in being different. Liking what I like.

I've always been a private person. In the past I've been tough on people --- making people ask really specific questions to get certain answers out of me. On the other hand I think of myself as a really open book. If someone asks me something, no matter what, I'll pretty much tell them the answer.

I remember one girl coming into work one day and asked me, well, no, she actually just said, "you're gay, right?" lol. I think I must have had a super stunned look on my face - I might have even laughed a bit. So I said yes, of course.

Anyway, I don't really have a point to this post. No end goal. I'm a private person - and at the same time and open book. I don't announce everything, but it's there for those who are interested in knowing a little big more.

So while I don't come out to a lot of people directly, I would say that I'm pretty much out to everyone in my life... Pretty much. And if I'm not entirely out to certain people, I'm definitely open to them. :)

Do you avoid talking about certain parts of your life in different situations? Work? School? Friends? etc.

Later all... ;)

FREAK OUT WITH YOUR GEEK OUT... WAIT, WHAT?

2011-02-14T23:54:00.002-05:00

I will never allow myself to play World of Warcraft again, but that doesn't mean that I will stop thinking about it. Heck, last night I had a dream about it. There isn't much I can do about that! (Actually, I fell asleep with my headphones on... The playlist I had on loop had a few of the songs from the WoW soundtrack... >_>)

Supernatural dreams are my absolute favorite type of dream to have. It's the ultimate in escapism.

The dream was actually about creating a TV show about the World of Warcraft. It would follow a bunch of characters coming of age and starting on their quest to become great heroes. In the dream it was a very serious show. Dramatic. Subtle at times, mixed with cool action and effects.

The show would follow characters from either/both faction - the Horde and the Alliance. It would show characters going on quests, learning new skills, working together, and working toward various goals. The same kinds of goals players have in the game itself. Skills and magical abilities. A greater understanding of different trades. Risking their lives to help the communities. Fighting the 'enemy' and seeing how the 'enemy' is different depending on who you ask.

In the game you work towards getting a mount. Making it to dungeons and doing something great - you know, like defeating some ancient evil. You know, stuff like that. :P

I don't think that sci fi geeks and gamers have enough shows to watch on TV --- there needs to be a WoW show. For serious. :P

Later all... ;)

HOBBIES

2011-02-14T23:15:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a new hobby. I was talking with someone at work about it. We were talking about getting back into reading. Or maybe some classes at the gym. Then again there's always volunteering.

I have a pile of books that are half finished. Starting there would be a great start. For starters it would get me away from my computer, a place where I seem to be spending a little too much time lately.

While I have enjoyed reading comic books there's something missing. I love the art. I love the stories. But with normal books/novels you get to allow your imagination to run wild and create the visuals instead of having them handed to you.

Classes at the gym. Why not take advantage? Most of them at the YMCA are free. I have thought about doing yoga --- it would be relaxing, and it would force me to do some stretching. I've never been that great at stretching - I usually don't do it. But it's good for you, and is really great for a person's overall fitness. Great for the mind and the body.

And then there's always volunteering. When I lived in Kingston I was always volunteering. I got to do some amazing things for people. But what would I do now? I would have to really believe in the cause and be committed to doing it. I'm not sure what that would be right now.

It's funny, for the past 4 years all I have done is work and focus on school. I haven't left much time for myself. I don't mean casual relaxation. I mean seriously delving into the things that interest me outside of work. Outside of my friends. Outside of my normal routine. I need to find something that I'm passionate about (something separate from design and it's probably a good idea if it's separate from my computer, too).

A change would do me some good. It would also get me socializing and helping out in the community. I miss that about Kingston. I miss feeling connected to it. I was a student, I was a tutor, a mentor, and I had various jobs. I'm not sure that I actually came up with a New Year's resolution this year but if I was to pick something now it would be to find a new hobby. A new cause. Something new that I can be passionate about.

Any suggestions?

Later all... ;)

THE GOOD STUFF

2011-02-14T21:23:00.004-05:00

OK, OK, I should balance the negatives with some positive stuff. While I hate the dating process and find it a little frustrating, I absolutely love getting into an actual relationship. Love it.

Let's talk about some of the stuff that I absolutely love about romance and the potential for a relationship.

Butterflies. If someone can give me butterflies I'm putty in their hands. It's pretty neat if I can give those butterflies right back.

Flirting. When there's a mutual attraction I think one of the best things is some playful flirting. It lets the other person know that you're interested, and maybe trying to impress them just a little.

The first kiss. Oh man, This is my favorite thing. Hands down. No question. I am thinking back to a few of my first kisses with people. Some, I have to admit, were pretty terrible, lol. But some I can remember vividly to this day. I can just close my eyes, think about it, and my heart skips a beat. Whoa, is it getting hot in here?

The second kiss. If there's anything better than the first kiss it's the second. Once all the nervousness is gone from breaking the ice on the first kiss, and you know that you want to do it again, the second kiss is where it's at.

Cheesy notes/emails. I remember dating people and I would suddenly turn into this cheesy romantic. I would write sappy/cute emails like there was no tomorrow. lol. It's actually pretty funny to think about it considering how I portray myself in everyday life as a cynic. I do love romance and I love getting the chance to be cute with someone that I care about.

Everyday moments. Normal things --- sitting on the couch, holding hands, falling asleep together, cuddling. Maybe even cooking together or doing the dishes or laundry. It's nice getting to do everyday normal things with someone.

Trips. Camping. Dancing. Dinner. Drinks. Movies. Sports. There are lots of things people can do together. While it's nice t relax with someone, it's great when you can both get out and be fun/active and social together.

Sex. Do I even need to explain this one? lol.

Intimacy. I kept this one separate from sex because they don't always go hand in hand. One of the great things about being in a relationship is the intimate moments. Trust. Love. Acceptance. All that stuff.

I may complain a lot about dating, because let's be honest, until you're actually into a relationship, the dating world stinks. But once you're in there it's amazing. It makes even those of us who are a little dead inside a little happier, a little warmer, and a little kinder.

What are your favorite things about relationships? Favorite firsts?

Later all... ;)

AWKWARD? AWKWARD.

2011-02-14T20:27:00.006-05:00

Today, of all days, is probably not the best day to complain about dating. Or perhaps it is the very day that makes perfect sense to complain. Apparently I'm going with the latter.

Today is Valentine's Day. Never having been in a relationship on Valentine's Day I've never gotten to properly take part. I often work or do things with friends and everything is OK. I see people buying chocolate and flowers and think that it's nice that they're doing what they are doing because there is someone on the other end who is going to love receiving it.

For myself, and many others, it's a reminder about being single. Not having that someone to shower with praise and an extra dose of lovin'. Yes, I said lovin'. I am very grateful for the love that I receive from friends and family. I'm a good person and I know that I'll find someone sometime soon (fingers crossed!). But for now, for today, I get to join millions of other singles in being frustrated and bitching just a little bit about love, romance and this 'holiday'.

For one thing, I think that I kind of suck at dating. I have had a lot of first dates and then nothing more. Often it's simply a case of there being no chemistry - for romance, or even for a friendship. So those dates don't really matter - they're just good practice (Good stories, actually).

One problem I have had a lot since moving to Toronto is falling for people who are emotionally unavailable. Sometimes the issue is that they themselves are pining away for someone else. More often than I would like I end up on dates with people fresh out of relationships. Oddly enough these are the people I often fall for. On one had I should feel kind of good that people fresh out of a relationship see me as a potential new person in their life. Maybe I have a trustworthy face, or maybe I just sound like a nice guy and I listen well.

This situation is hard because it's nobody's fault. I've been the person fresh out of a relationship quickly going out on a date and realizing that I'm just not ready. Pat the person on the shoulder and thank them for being the person to help me realize what I need --- time. For them, it kinda stinks because even if I like them, by the time I get over the ex (or whatever else could be wrong), the person who I went on a date with is probably out of the picture for one reason or another - or I am looking elsewhere.

I'm pretty awkward when it comes to having the talks about feelings in the first few dates/meetings with a new person. I'd like to tell them how I feel, but I want to respect that they may not want to hear it. When I am fresh out of a relationship the last thing that I want is for someone coming at me looking to start something new. I mean, give a guy some time! lol.

The problem is that the longer I wait to talk about how I feel, or to find out the other person's feelings, the chance that someone else comes along greatly increases.

So what to do? Bring it all up and hope that they are OK to talk about it? Keep holding off, choosing to just be there for the person - after all, they would talk about it if they wanted to, right? I'm never sure. I also don't want to come off seeming like a weirdo. Or if I do bring up my feelings and the other person still isn't ready to hear it, it could wreck what's beginning to be a cool friendship. I suppose it's just hard when you try to keep from getting your hopes up too high. Play it cool, yeah, yeah. Cool. lol. Yeah right.

It's strange though - when it comes to friends I have had for a while I never feel awkward asking the questions and letting people know how I am feeling. Of course with friends you have already established a relationship and a certain level of trust. Whereas when you're dating or meeting new people you don't want to overwhelm the person with too much of the heavy stuff.

Moral of this story: Todd is, in general, pretty awkward at dating and tends to over analyze something that's not even anything just yet. As much as I'd like to be the guy who plays it cool and has all of his shit together, I fear that I will always be the awkward guy who waits too long to make a move, the guy everyone thinks of as just a great friend. But then again, maybe I'll just work on my poker face. :P

*End annoying rant on being single and having no luck in the dating world*

For everyone else, I actually do hope that they enjoyed their Valentine's Day! Some of my friends are off getting wooed by Bon Jovi in concert. I'm anticipating some fun stories from that.

Later all... ;)

VALENTINE'S DAY

2011-02-13T21:01:00.004-05:00

It's that time of year again. Yes, everyone's favorite 'holiday' is upon us - Valentine's Day. I don't think that I could fool a single person into believing that I look forward to this day. Over the course of my entire life I have never managed to be in a relationship of any kind that would allow me to partake in all the things couples would do on said day. Instead, Valentine's Day becomes the day when singles, much like myself, have to decide whether or not to sulk and complain about not being part of a pair, or brushing it all off and treat myself to something special.

I'd like to sulk, but who would want to listen? So I am going with option B. This weekend was the beginning. Friday I was out with a new friend of mine and went to see a movie. Saturday I met up with two other friends for drinks. Sunday was spent relaxing. I ran some errands, got some coffee, and watched some TV all day.

Tomorrow is the actual day however, so I must strengthen my resolve to continue treating myself well and surround myself with good people. I will actually be working at the food store tomorrow so I may gobble down a few sweets and perhaps smile kindly as I watch people frantically searching last-minute for that special something they forgot to get for their loved one earlier. That may actually be the best part of the day.

This of course will not change my view of Valentine's Day. I still look forward to the day when I am in a relationship and get to take part. I'll be sure to treat my partner well all year round, but I think that taking part in Valentine's Day, at least once or twice, would be a lot of fun. Until then I will continue brushing it off like the other millions of singles out there - just being thankful for the great people - old and new - that I have in my life.

Later all... ;)

BUFFY

2011-02-07T02:25:00.003-05:00

Tonight I finished reading the final five issues of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 comic. This 'season' comprised of 40 issues in total. The first issue was released in 2007. It seems kinda crazy actually now that I think of it since that is when I first moved to Toronto. Time flies.

I was never really a Buffy fan until after the show ended and went into syndication. My roommates and I would gather and watch episodes day after day. I got hooked. How could I not? It's a pretty fun show. And it certainly never took itself too seriously.

When the show ended, much like other shows that come to an end, fans wanted more. Luckily for Buffy fans their wish came true - but in the form of a comic book. The characters are all drawn to resemble their on-screen counterparts, so it's easy to just go with it. It has a lot of the same writers and everything so the humor is pretty consistent with the show.

It also makes me a little interested to see what the actual actors think of their comic book selves.

But season eight has come to an end. It was a big season, too. Being all on paper meant that the writers could achieve some things that would not have been possible on screen due to budget constraints. Gods, demons and vampires galore. The story got a little out of hand in the last 7 or so issues though. Thankfully the final issue brought the story back down to Earth, literally. (Well, you'd have to read it to get what I mean). The story ends grounding a lot of the characters, making them weaker than they have been in years, and yet making them all easier to relate to.

Years ago another comic was made about slayers, but it was set in the distant future. It starred a young woman who comes into her Slayer abilities. The catch is that there hadn't been any slayers for generations (which made it a mystery since the show was based on the premise that to each generation a slayer would be born). The comic introduced the scythe (which was actually introduced into the show in its final season). The comic managed to bring that future story in and have it all come together. At the end of season eight the reader gets to see how and why the Slayer line stops dead in its tracks. What this means for all of the characters will have to be revealed in season nine.

There were a lot of characters making appearances in this comic. People thought to be dead came back. People we loved ended up dead. While the show, and the comic book, are both comedies to a degree, they are still very much action stories and dramas. Bad stuff happens. It may happen to all of them on a larger scale, but the emotions they depict are still very real.

As I said before the characters are more grounded. Relationships have changed. New bonds emerged and replaced what was once familiar. It will be very exciting to read more stories as they come - I really am, because the event of the final issue make it very interesting to see how it all unfolds (given the information about the future that was shown).

Anyway, if you were ever a fan of the show I would seriously recommend reading through the Season 8 comic. Well worth it.

Later all... ;)

DREAM DIARY

2011-02-01T01:03:00.003-05:00

For years I have wanted to start a dream diary. If people know anything about me - aside from my love for coffee - it's that I love my dreams. I treasure each and every one of them - the good and the bad.

I don't often look up my dreams in a dream dictionary, rather I try to find meaning in them on my own.

I believe what my dreams have to tell me. Even if the message is unclear. I sometimes get a glimpse of things to come (while I would never claim to be able to see the future, I have had way too many experiences where I've dreamed future events and had them come true) I've had super-hero themed dreams. I've had violent dreams. I've had light and fluffy dreams. My dreams are vivid. They are complex. And if anyone is wondering, I often dream in colour. :P

I have a handful of dreams that stick with me to this very day. From my childhood. From university. From all over. Much like horoscopes I really shouldn't take stock in my dreams, but I always feel like it's our brains trying to figure things out. Trying to bring a message to the forefront. When we're awake we're often too guarded to think about certain issue, let alone allow ourselves to work through the issues. Dreams take on a life of their own, and for myself, I let the dreams go where they want to go. There is little I can do to redirect the dream anyhow.

The other night I had a nightmare. It was strange because I don't often have nightmares. More often than not I will have fun dreams, or very mysterious dreams that really grab my attention. Very rarely do I get a dream that jolts me out of sleep. Well, the other night I was jolted out of sleep. I only have part of the dream making sense --- some of he other parts... I don't see yet what they represent.

One of the amazing things about dreams sometimes is how people from your distant past will appear. For instance, in my nightmare there was someone from my university days. Someone that was in one of my classes, but it was someone that I didn't really know. But there he was. In my nightmare.

A week or so ago I had a simpler dream that I didn't have any trouble figuring out.

I'm sure that dreams are different for everyone. Some experience them to different degrees. Some people take more stock in them than others. But I feel as though they are important.

Random thought: If I ever went blind I would still hope that I could have extremely vivid dreams as I do now (answer board here with some links)

How do you experience your dreams? Are they vivid? Do you take meaning from them? Or do you prefer not to dream?

Later all... ;)

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU

2011-02-01T00:35:00.003-05:00

About a year and a half ago I met someone that changed me, inspired me and made me happy. It's someone that also frustrated, angered and disappointed me. For a year and a half I had someone that I would have considered my best friend. By the end of our friendship, however, I came to see that it was a friendship much like one I had in high school. It wasn't good for me and it took a long time to come to terms with that.

Everyone experiences it in a different way. For me it was a friendship - for others it's a romantic engagement or something at work. But I can only speak for myself.

When we first met I saw something - a spark - something vibrant. Something alive. Something positive. Over time it all faded. Over time I tried harder and harder to make it work. To make things like they were when we first met. It was really not something that I wanted to give up, but over time I was starting to see that it wasn't that healthy. It's also something my friends had warned me about for quite some time.

I had someone who I considered to be my best friend. It was a person that told me that they didn't fully trust me. It was a person who was more than willing to hang out and chat, when chatting mainly consisted of me listening and doing very little talking. When I did get a chance to speak I was never really listened to.

Looking back there are very obvious signs - warnings - parallels to a failed friendship from high school. You would think I'd learn my lesson. Apparently I needed to learn the hard way.

My mother, and now myself as well, believe that people come in and out of your life for a reason. Sometimes it's not easy figuring out what that reason is/was. When I met this friend I really needed something. At first it was romance. That quickly shifted to a friendship and the need for a close bond/connection. Someone to hang out with on a regular basis. Someone who would just be there. This of course was a lesson that I didn't learn when I was younger. I took certain friends for granted when I was younger and I was doing it again.

I was putting all of my energy into this one friendship while my other ones suffered. The sad part is that while I was putting so much effort into the friendship I would come to realize that I was the only one doing so. I remember not getting in touch for two or three weeks and hearing nothing. I got back in touch and asked why this happened. Why I was always the one putting in all of the effort. There was never a good reason --- or even any reason at all. And yet I stayed and tried even harder.

Over time I had a lot of resentment building within myself. I was being fed lip service. My friend bailed on many different occasions, and when plans did work out we just weren't getting along anymore.

In the end I stopped getting in touch and waited to see if the same thing happened as it had before. It did. Two weeks went by. Nothing. Three weeks. Nothing. Thanksgiving. My sister's wedding. Christmas. New Year's. Nothing.

I'm still not sure which hurts/frustrates me more - the fact that I was so adamant about fighting for this one-sided friendship, or that I didn't even get to end the friendship face to face. It spoke volumes about the friendship itself. Sadly I think it speaks volumes about my friend.

History repeated itself. High school. Last year. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Luckily I have amazing friends that do care about me. Once that one friendship ended I was able to pour all of my energy into my existing friendships and it felt great. It wasn't a fight to make things work. It wasn't just me getting in touch and feeling like a bother. Other people made an effort. Other people got in touch.

What I was seeking was a sense of being needed and wanted. I needed to feel comfort. I needed to feel trust. I needed a certain degree of closeness. It's something I watch for in all of the connections I make.

Because this happened (and actually, oddly enough, happened to a number of people that I know in various forms) it makes me treasure the good relationships and puts me on guard - seeking out the good ones. We all deserve to be treated well. By others, and by ourselves.

Later all... ;)

WAYWARD THOUGHTS

2011-02-01T00:14:00.002-05:00

Here I am posting again. It's really not like me - at least not lately. For the entire day my brain has been really active. I've got quite a bit on my mind. The usual suspects. My usual rant. But it's just making me restless.

I was saying to my sister that I have had an unusually busy/social January. I suppose I'm just not used to it. I'm also not used to having the place to myself. In a way I miss having my roomie here. Even though we don't chat all of the time, it's nice knowing that someone's here. Maybe I'm craving company. Maybe I'm just needing time to readjust to the quiet.

OK, here's a list of things running through my mind that I'd just like to state, but not really talk about:

- I want to start a dream diary. I've always loved my dreams (good and bad) and would really like a way to keep track of them and to record them as best I can (Hmm... Maybe I'll do a post about this...);
- I need to do a full trip for groceries this week. Not bringing any food home from the store means I have no food to keep myself going all week. It's been a long time since I had to get so much stuff - fun/exciting?! Yes;
- I am worried about a friend of mine;
- I had a date the other day that I really enjoyed;
- Work. Design work. Various things;
- Exercise. It's been hard to focus lately. It's times like these that I really wish that I still had a personal trainer to help push through. It's always worth it in the end, but it's been a struggle lately;
- I'm a hermit. I like my 'me' time, but I'm trying hard to be social. I want to be there for people more. And I'm finding that the more that I'm there for people the more I really want/need to social aspect (actually, this deserves a post of its own to explain... I might do that once I post this).

OK, yes, I am going to write some more posts until I need to sleep.

Later all... ;)

CLEANING

2011-01-31T17:15:00.003-05:00

Today was year-end inventory at the food store. That meant that I got to hang out in the freezer all day. Not my idea of a bad day at all. I like the cold. Quite a bit. But being year-end inventory day meant that it was really a shortened day. I was home by around 1pm. I was going to have a nap, but then I decided to get some stuff done around the apartment.

Yesterday I started filling bags of recycling and garbage --- lots of stuff that had been building up in my closet. Today I did laundry and started cleaning the apartment. Normally I limit my major cleans to my room but I ended up doing some reorganizing all over the apartment. It's pretty therapeutic. It'll take some getting used to having certain things in different places, but I'll get there soon. Cosette will have more of an issue coming back from her vacation with everything moved around, lol. But she should be relaxed enough not to care too much. :)

But I figured today is a good a day as any. No time like the present, right?

Later all... ;)

INSPIRATION

2011-01-30T02:54:00.002-05:00

It's not always the easiest thing to find. I've talked about the blank canvas and how daunting it can be. Sometimes it takes getting away from it all to let me start fresh, and then sometimes I hear a new song and see a new video and the ideas start flooding in.

Before I left the apartment today I came across this video:
Jennifer Lopez "Hold It Don't Drop It"

I find this video pretty hot, lol. But it gets me moving and I love the visuals. I really like the style and it gives me some ideas for some of the artwork I do week to week.

And really, who doesn't love a little J Lo from time to time? :P
Later all... ;)

BLANK CANVAS

2011-01-16T00:03:00.002-05:00

A blank canvas. It can mean a couple of things to people. A project waiting to begin. A project that's been put off or forgotten. An intimidating wall - an empty space. A space with unlimited potential. etc etc.

As a designer I am always at odds with the blank canvas. On one hand I can create whatever I want, however I want. On the other hand it's a daunting space that begs to be filled with something that I can't produce. One of the things that I love, and hate, the most about my job is this extreme openness to ideas and creativity. I am given a lot of free reign when it comes to the artwork that I produce. On one hand it's quite liberating and allows me to explore different ways of designing - ways that I might not otherwise get to explore in a more confining design job. On the other it's very difficult to produce new and captivating artwork week after week from scratch. There's that blank canvas again.

I can be found at coffee shops all over the city with a pen and a pile of blank paper, my ipod, and a watchful eye as I scour the area, and people, for inspiration for my work. I look online at what other people are producing. I look at design when I am on the subway, downloading music and watching TV. I'm always on the lookout for something new to incorporate into my work. But it's hard. Sometimes it's very hard.

It's a little deceiving when the art comes quickly and with little resistance. It usually means that the following week is going to be a challenge.

The the club flyers that I produce a woman is often used as a focal point. Not always, but often enough. We are trying to move away from that, somewhat - not completely. But moving away from using people is proving to be a challenge for me. Where there used to be a person now exists a blank space. What do you put in that space? More text? A cool design (but again, what would that 'cool' design be?)

When I look at the work my peers are producing, and the work I see online I am both jealous and extremely inspired by the work that I see. It amazes me that there is so much creativity out there in the world. It's also amazing that people can produce so many different designs. All starting from the same space. The blank canvas.

I am going through a growing pain at the moment. I've had a few of these at my current job. Each one is very difficult to get through, but once I make it to the other side I am very grateful for sticking with it and pushing through. Its hard. It's tiring. It's actually mentally exhausting. But I love it. No matter how hard it is to fill that canvas I cannot help but love it. I love the possibilities. I love trying to produce one design and ending up with something completely different - and sometimes even surprising myself.

Of course the work I do isn't all good work. I have my fair share of design disasters (quite a lot, lol). But that's what happens. Sometimes it works, and sometimes you crash and burn. Both are great ways to learn. Finding what works and what doesn't.

This evening I have been losing myself in google image searches for club flyers, and way too much time on the Flyer Design Goodness blog. Heck, my work might end up on a blog like that one day - you never know - stranger things have happened. :P

Later all... ;)

IT'S OK TO BE SCARED

2011-01-07T02:38:00.002-05:00

I was at the gym today. It felt really great - it often does. I've been pretty proud of myself lately. I've been increasing the weight that I'm lifting. I was going to say 'I'm close to my goal' but the truth is that I have no goal. I just want to keep going. I just don't want to quit or to have my body quit on me.

Normally I use the bike for my cardio. It's easy on my knees and it lets me think. To be fair it's not the most fun, but it gets the job done.

For their New Year's Resolutions some of my friends made this their year of spontaneity. Their first act was to sign up for a half marathon or something crazy like that. Yes I said crazy. I said crazy even though a little over a year ago I was thinking of doing the very same thing. A little over a year ago I was a runner. A little over a year I depended on running to clear my head and relieve stress. Then I got hurt. Then I got better. Then I got hurt again. And then I got scared and ran away. Pun intended.

I recently attempted running at the gym again. It definitely didn't feel quite as fun as I remember. I ran for 5 minutes and stopped. Baby steps. Baby steps. Tonight when I was at the gym I decided to give it another go, but this time five minutes became ten. And then I stopped. The ten minutes on the treadmill was a mile. I remember watching season after season of the biggest loser where one of the first tasks is to attempt running one mile. At the beginning of their journey they all find it almost impossible. That is how I am feeling. At the end of each season they are running marathons. I'm not sure that I'll ever get to that, but I believe that I will be able to work back up to a 10k.

It's obvious what I am doing. I am testing myself. I am taking it slow - building myself back up. I'm exercising my whole body so the muscles everywhere should be helping to keep things in order. I'm really scared to let myself enjoy the running again. I fell in love with running in high school and I had to stop in my first year of university due to shin splints. I started to love running again over a year ago and had to stop due to knee injuries.

I don't know what I will do ... OK, scratch that. I know what I will do if I try and have to quit running again. I will do exactly what I am doing now. What I really don't WANT to do is to let myself love it again.

I was on a date the other day with someone who runs marathons. I was only slightly jealous - a little intimidated - and a little bit nervous about that. But mostly jealous. :)

I am going to buy some new running shoes soon - long overdue. I am going to continue everything at the gym. I'm not going to push myself faster than I know is appropriate. I am going to listen to my body.

One way or another I will be running.

Later all... ;)

WHEN IT GETS COLD OUT

2011-01-06T00:00:00.002-05:00

When it gets cold out all I want is a hot shower, or to jump into bed and hide under the covers.

Speaking of covers... lol... Which version of this song is your favorite? (For me, I often hate an original but love the covers. This is one of those cases.)

Later all... ;)

ONTO THE LIST

2011-01-05T01:06:00.003-05:00

I mentioned before that I make playlists on my itunes/ipod for each year of my life. In each and every case I could divide the music into very distinct groups.

Pop/Dance/Folk - This isn't necessarily good music, but it is music that makes me move. Often that's exactly what I need. And really, when I am walking down the street and a fun song comes on I can't help but imagining the entire street breaking out into choreographed dance.

Slow/Melodies - Sometimes these are sad. Sometimes just light. These ones help to relax me and make me think, or at the very least feel something - usually something that I don't want to feel. But that's what the slow songs do... Oh, and rarely are the slow songs on my playlists love songs. More often than not they are about painful experiences.

Rock/Alternative - This often verges on the pop category, but they are rougher.

Soul/Lounge/Blues/etc. - These are songs that have some serious throwbacks to the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc. They've got a lot of soul. A lot of passion. And some serious vocals to back it all up. Often singers are auto-tuned to sound good. But really there's nothing quite like an artist who doesn't need to be cleaned up because they are already that good.

What ends up on your play list? This year I am really going to try to add people who are actually good. I often end up with a fun mix, but they aren't necessarily really great artists. It's a goal. We'll see how it goes - and we can be sure that everyone will have an opinion on how to classify a 'good' artist.

The most recent addition to my 2011 play list is a song by Bruno Mars. It's a name I Was familiar with but hadn't heard anything by the artist. (Maybe I have... I dunno.) --- But this song, off of the album "Doo-Wops & Hooligans" is about loving someone that you feel like you would die for them - the catch? They either don't feel the same or they don't even know you're alive. I'm sure everyone has felt this way at least once. [Sadly] I still feel this way about some people. It's almost worse knowing they don't care (or knowing that they're lying or leading you on), but you'd still do anything you could to protect them. *sigh*

Give it a listen: "Grenade" by Bruno Mars.

Later all... ;)

I HAD PLANS, BUT. . .

2011-01-04T23:50:00.003-05:00

...Tonight I'M F@#KING YOU.

Umm... What?! Honestly, this caught me off guard. Very unexpected. What happened to the old Enrique that would spend an entire music video stalking a girl through parties and the city... oh wait, this makes more sense now that I think of it. :P

Later all... ;)

THE HUNT

2011-01-03T00:59:00.003-05:00

I think that one of the most taxing jobs is searching for a decent apartment in Toronto. Somehow in the past I've lucked out and found something right away. The search right now is just draining. Some places look good, but they are in a terrible neighborhood. Some are in a great neighborhood and don't look that great (or are too much money). It's a little annoying. And since we want to stay in Toronto and not venture out into Etobicoke, Mississauga, Scarborough, etc. it limits things. But you would think that in a city as large as Toronto it would be easy!

No. It's not.

There's a lot of competition, and things are just way too expensive across the board. Kinda stinks. I'm pretty happy in our current apartment... There are thing I complain about, and the heat is almost unbearable in the summer... We'll see.

We are thinking of picking up another roomie as well - so maybe that will help the search - there may be more interesting places available with three rooms. Maybe?

Search search search.

Adele - Rolling in the Deep. (clip is from the Ellen show - I thought this was good to show how great she is live!)

Later all... ;)

ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS

2011-01-02T04:22:00.002-05:00

It's 2011 and everything seems pretty much as it did at the end of 2010. As it should. After all, it's only a day later.

One of the things that I always look forward to is starting a new playlist on my itunes/ipod. I have a list for every year of my life. I put songs from all over the place - the only thing is that they have to be significant to who I am and what I am going through. Sometimes I will choose one of the playlist years and I am immediately taken back and I remember it all --- the good and the bad. But that's the joy of music.

So today I have started a new list. The first on the list is the video at the end of this post. :)

But before listening to the music, I have been trying to think of new years resolutions. Usually I have quite a few ready to go. But I did well on my list this past year. REALLY well. So well that I just don't know what my resolution should be. Keep it up? That seems a little too easy. If anything I will want to keep up my exercise routine, I'll want to keep spending lots of time with friends and working really hard at the design stuff.

Aim for another vacation? Yes.

Dating/Relationship? Uhm... Well, I was single for all of 2010 so I won't be holding my breath. :P

End 2011 with only design jobs? I think that's doable.

I think that I need a new hobby though - something outside of design - but that's the hard thing. When I am not working it's usually still design stuff that I enjoy... I'd like to get back into video editing... Not sure if that will happen. It'd be nice to find a hobby that required leaving the apartment. :)

~~~~~~~~~~

I was listening to some old music and came across Shawn Desman. I looked online to see what he was up to these days and he released a new album in 2010. I've listened to all of it and enjoy quite a bit. Judge me if you will, but Shawn has claimed the first spot in my 2011 music playlist because this song makes me want to move and gets a lot of design ideas flooding through my brain. *thumbs up* (Besides, that's just how we do it in the T dot.)

Shawn Desman - Electric/Night Like this

Later all... ;)

YEAR IN REVIEW - 2010

2010-12-31T01:32:00.003-05:00

They say that a lot can happen in a year. I think that this year, more than any other, is the year when this statement really rings true for me.

Although I graduated in 2009 from Humber's Graphic Design program I didn't get a design job (at the Liberty Entertainment Group) until December 2009. In my mind my design job is all about 2010 because that is when everything happened. The first 6 months of my time at the design job were hard. Very hard. I was nervous every single time that I was going into the office. I knew that I wanted to do this kind of work, but the work that I was doing was so far outside of my comfort zone that it was just draining me and freaking me out, lol. Luckily I stuck it out because I ended up learning quite a lot and expanding my design knowledge and improving upon my design technique and style. The job also made me wish that I had pushed myself more when I was in school. *Really* pushed myself. I really did play it safe. But there's no time for that now. I'm pretty thankful to have the job - and I'm also pretty grateful that I get so much creative freedom - something I probably wouldn't get quite so much of at most other jobs. I've been at the design job for over a year now and I love it. :)

One of my resolutions for 2010 was to take a vacation. In March, after the end of the Olympics, I took a trip to the West Coast of Canada and toured around Vancouver for a week. I have to say that a vacation was exactly what I needed at the time. I hadn't had a real vacation since my trip to Italy back in high school. It was also a great opportunity to escape and explore on my own. I got to meet up with some friends and got to meet some new friends as well! When I came back to Toronto I had actually given a lot of thought to looking for work in Vancouver and moving. I didn't actually do it in the end, obviously, but I would definitely like to go back for a visit because I was quite relaxed there - a pretty good sign that the vacation was a success.

In the summer I went to my friends Beth and CJ's wedding. It was really fun to meet their friends and family. They are great people and everyone I met at the wedding reflected exactly who they are. One of the things I felt bad about was the fact that I didn't really have a suit, or and really nice clothing to wear to the wedding. I felt pretty under dressed. I'm sure nobody cared, but I did. This Fall, after my sister's wedding, I went out and bought a new wardrobe - something to help replace a lot of my old school-time clothes. I bought suits, shirts, ties, jackets, etc. It felt pretty great. I now feel that I can dress up or dress down depending on the situation and not have to feel like I am out of place or that I don't belong. It's a pretty good feeling, and helps me feel like I've actually made the transition from student to adult. Pretty neat. My bank account wasn't happy about it, but it's something that I've been planning for years, so it didn't stress me out like clothes shopping normally would.

I'm sure that every year I make a promise to myself to go to the gym and to stay active. I believe that I was still running at the beginning of the year. I don't run anymore. I think that it's no longer an option for me - which is pretty sad. But there are alternatives! I actually use the bike all of the time when I go to the gym - and I've been using the weights a lot more in the last couple of months as well. I think that, overall, I'm pretty satisfied with my health and fitness. Oh, but now that I think of it, I haven't been to the doctor in over a year... Hmm... I should really go in for a physical or checkup! You know, just for good measure. :)

Hmm... What else? I've had a lot of ups and downs in my social life. A lot of good reminders and refreshers. I've drifted from some people while I've reconnected with others. I'm pretty clear on some things I should be doing as far as certain friends are concerned, but you know, sometimes I'm just a glutton for punishment. lol. I've gone on a lot of first dates this year, but no actual dating. I've been single for quite a while, and while being single is really nice at times I do miss being part of a couple. Thankfully I've got lots of great friends in the area - just as good. :)

I did a post on this earlier in the year, but I've also been really on top of saving money - putting money away in tax free savings account and RRSPs. Good on me.

I would like to say that I did a lot of reading this year but that would be a lie. I stopped reading the newspaper because it's all the same and too depressing. I read a few Oz books and have come to realize that I hate the character of Dorothy Gale. I am obsessed with comic books and have a new found love for Spider-Man, and I'm pretty big on the New Mutants and X-Men Legacy titles.

Over the next few days I am going to post a listing of some of my favorite things from this past year --- TV shows, Movies, Music, etc. Yes, I know that you're all exceptionally excited about it. :)

And now I am off to bed. I need to get some rest so that I can go to the gym when I wake up and also run some errands before heading to a black-tie New Year's Eve party at my friend Mel's place. Excited much? Umm, ya! :D

Happy New Year everyone!

Later all... ;)

AND... BREAK

2010-12-29T23:04:00.002-05:00

The year is almost done - two more days. Sure, it's just a number and January 1st is a day just like any other, but it still manages to capture the attention of millions whether they like it or not.

Right now I am doing my usual reflection on this past year. It has been a big year for me (work and social) --- but this is not the post where I'll talk about all of that. I am also thinking about the year ahead and what it means - or what it could mean.

Throughout 2010 I have had a lot of trouble keeping this blog updated. It shouldn't really be a surprise because I have been writing here for what feels like forever. I might take a break. Not just a "I'm being lazy and not updating my blog" kind of break, but an actual - intentional - break from blogging for a while.

I have mentioned to a number of people how this year flew by for me faster than any year that I can remember. While it feels like I've reached the end of the year at break-neck speed it's odd because the beginning of the year seems like it was forever ago. But again, I'll write more about how I saw this year in a post coming up in the next couple of days.

But yes, a break. I've been thinking about my next vacation. I've been thinking about friends. I've been thinking about work. And I've been thinking about moving! (Yes, my roomie wants us to move... Apartment hunting is no fun at all)

I think what I really need is to slow things down a little bit. I need to take a step back from what I am doing and figure out what I really need to be working on in the coming months.

Tonight I am lost in thought. Lonely, yet not alone. Hopeful, but not without fear. I am all over the map at the moment - and why? Because the year is coming to an end.

Have you made any resolutions for this coming year? Did you keep your resolutions in 2010?

Later all... ;)

HOLIDAYS 2010

2010-12-27T00:02:00.000-05:00

The holidays aren't over yet, so keep that loving/giving feeling alive! I recently found an amazing way to do it, and because I love you all so much, I'm going to pass it on. :P

Later all... ;)

HAPPY (BEAT) BOXING DAY!

2010-12-26T00:04:00.001-05:00

Well, let the music continue!

This first one you'll actually have to go to youtube to watch (Will Smith Beatboxing)

And this one you can enjoy right here. :)

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #25

2010-12-25T00:05:00.001-05:00

Did you get what you wanted for Christmas? This guy sure did. Click for the final Christmas video for this year. :)

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #24

2010-12-24T00:05:00.000-05:00

Just one more sleep people! Oh, and look! It's the penguin's Christmas skating party!

Muppet Christmas Carol
"One More Sleep 'Til Christmas"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #23

2010-12-23T00:05:00.000-05:00

I remember getting this tape when I was a young kid. It still cracks me up listening to it.

Alvin & The Chipmunks
"Christmas Don't Be Late"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #22

2010-12-22T23:48:00.001-05:00

And instead of a song, a story.

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #21

2010-12-21T23:51:00.001-05:00

Don't forget about Kwanzaa!!

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #20

2010-12-20T00:05:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love this movie.

"No, I'm a LARGE absent-minded spirit!" :P

Muppet Christmas Carol
"It Feels Like Christmas"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #19

2010-12-19T00:09:00.002-05:00

These ones really sum up what the holidays are really about. For Serious.

John Denver
"Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk this Christmas)"

Lou Monte
"Dominick the Donkey"

James Brown
"Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto"

Later all... ;)

WTB BUTTERFLIES PST

2010-12-18T00:39:00.007-05:00

I was out tonight with my good friend Paul. As per usual we grabbed some food and drink and caught ourselves up on our lives since the last time we saw one another. It never ceases to amaze me how time flies. It had been quite some time since we had seen one another, so there was a lot to catch up on --- we've both been pretty busy these past couple of months.

We covered the usual subjects: family, friends, work and relationships. Good times. Nothing seems to change too much with our families. We sometimes learn something new, or in my case I mentioned my sister's wedding. Friends? Well, we are both pretty busy people so meeting new people or getting to see our friends on a regular basis isn't the easiest of feats. I have been lucky enough to spend lots of time with my friend Heather over the last couple of months.

Work --- I think that we can all relate when it comes to work. We just want the vacation part. Work has been pretty busy lately, which comes as no surprise during the holiday season. I might start working one more day at the design job every week, which would mean dropping down to one day at the food store. Kinda crazy, but things are looking busy for January and February at the design job.

Relationships - well, Paul is married, so not much changes there, lol. But I do get to hear about what they get up to. As for me, I talk about my adventures in the (online) dating world. Successes and failures. I was actually talking about how long it had been since someone gave me butterflies. True enough there have been people that I got excited about - some that intrigued - and some that really caught my interest. Paul joked about it not going so well and joked 'not even a moth'. Not even a moth! lol. It's true. There has, in fact, been only one person since I moved to Toronto that has given me a serious case of butterflies - and that isn't likely to happen. At this rate if I can't have the butterflies, I would really be happy to settle for a measly moth or two.

I have started to plan for the holidays - sort of. Christmas will be in Kingston at my sister's place. As per usual I will get to visit for two days before making a hasty retreat to Toronto. I will be working right up until the 24th, and then spending my Christmas Eve with the Dilamarters, and Christmas day with my actual family. I haven't a clue what to get people. I'm not sure how much food I can carry back with me on the bus. Perhaps I can pay them off - everyone likes money, right?

When I get back into Toronto I will be heading right back into work. I'm doing my best to be social and see as many people as possible before New Year's Eve. And speaking of NYE I will be spending it with my old pub group --- and others if we invite them, or if they choose to make an appearance. It's hard because I find a lot of people are last minute planners on New Year's. I know that I always have been. It's only by chance that I had plans lined up so far in advance. It's hard too because you can only really be in one place at a time and there are so many people that I would like be with to ring in the new year. And then there's planning a new resolution for 2011. I'll have to go back and see what my resolution for this year was and if I actually stuck with it. (*fingers crossed!*)

I'm just happy that I've got great friends with whom I can spend the holidays. I'm looking forward to each and every second of it. :)

**************

What's on your Christmas Wish List? (Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, just play along! :P)

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #18

2010-12-18T00:06:00.001-05:00

Spice Girls
"Christmas Wrapping"

The Waitresses
"Christmas Wrapping"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #17

2010-12-17T00:41:00.001-05:00

Adam Sandler
"Chanukah (Hanukkah) Song"

Speaking of 8 Crazy Nights...
"Technical Foul"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #16

2010-12-16T00:35:00.000-05:00

Michael Bublé
"Let It snow"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #15

2010-12-15T00:33:00.000-05:00

Burl Ives
"Holly Jolly Christmas"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #14

2010-12-14T00:22:00.000-05:00

Dale Baglo
"The Turkey Song"

You can hear an excerpt from the song on his myspace page.

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #13

2010-12-13T00:21:00.000-05:00

Chris de Burgh
"A Spaceman Came Traveling"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #12

2010-12-12T00:17:00.000-05:00

Ugh. This one is for my brother.

David Bowie and Bing Crosby
"Little Drummer Boy"

'The Little Drummer Boy' movie

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #11

2010-12-11T00:12:00.000-05:00

José Feliciano
"Feliz Navidad"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #10

2010-12-10T00:07:00.001-05:00

This one is by request. :P

Mariah Carey
"Joy To The World"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #9

2010-12-09T00:05:00.001-05:00

Lady Antebellum
"Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Michael Bublé with Anne Murray
"Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #8

2010-12-08T00:05:00.000-05:00

If I had to choose my least favorite Christmas-related song, ever, it would be this one. It makes me want to punch somebody. The year it came out radio stations played it over and over non-stop. I've never met anyone who likes it, and yet it's a popular song. Who are you people?!

NEWSONG
"The Christmas Shoes"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #7

2010-12-07T00:05:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears
"My Only Wish This Year"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #6

2010-12-06T00:05:00.001-05:00

Where indeed?

Faith Hill
"Where Are You Christmas"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #5

2010-12-05T00:05:00.000-05:00

I think that I've seen Home Alone every year since it was first released to theatres. "Hit the road kid" (*Insert deleted scene here*)

Chuck Berry
"Run, Run Rudolph"

Brenda Lee
"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #4

2010-12-04T00:05:00.002-05:00

SHeDAISY
"Deck The Halls"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #3

2010-12-03T00:05:00.001-05:00

Barenaked Ladies Feat. Sarah McLachlan
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings"

This is another favorite of mine. It's nice to hear jazzed up versions of traditional songs. I've always found this one to be pretty fun - especially because it's a collaboration between BNL and Sara McLachlan.

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #2

2010-12-02T00:05:00.002-05:00

How the Grinch Stole Christmas
"The Who Song (Welcome Christmas)"

Later all... ;)

XMAS 2010 - #1

2010-12-01T00:08:00.002-05:00

There is no other song out there that could possibly get me into the holiday spirit quite as much as this one. And as most establishments take December 1st as the day to begin cranking out holiday music, I thought that I would make this the first for me.

Later all... ;)

LEGACY SCHMEGANCY

2010-11-30T20:39:00.002-05:00

Movie remakes are all the rage. Why do something New when you can just take something old, and make that seem new again.

I recently watched the trailer/featurette for TRON Legacy. The movie itself, as far as graphics go, make me want to see it. Beyond the obvious visual treat, I'm not sure I care whether or not it's a good movie --- I imagine much like the way I felt about Avatar.

Watch the video and then continue below.

See? There's a lot going on here. But in particular there's a little too much of something. Can you guess what that is? I'll give you a hint: Everything is incredible and never done before and quite an honour. Still guessing? Well, let me spell it out for you.

When I watched this featurette I lost any sense of interest while listening to these actors go on and on about how it was such an honour to be wearing this suit, and being a part of this and that? Let's be clear on one thing - you're wearing a glowing leather suit. Period. There's nothing super special about that. Get over it. You had lots of training to help you to really understand your character? That's really awesome. I wish that other actors in others movies got special training to help get into character. Oh wait, they do. Almost all of them.

A lot, if not all of the movie on a green screen? Is this new? No. Digitally making someone look decades younger? Also nothing new.

Listening to these people talk as though nothing like this has ever been done before really took away from the trailer for me. Where I started being excited, I finished being annoyed and underwhelmed. More than that, all I really wanted was to be free of these actors who were stroking their own egos to the nth degree.

Later all... ;)

IT'S AN INVESTMENT

2010-11-08T11:40:00.002-05:00

Throughout our lives there are certain ways we choose to spend our money. We would always like to be doing the right thing, but sometimes you just want a beer and a plate of nachos. One could argue however that this is a wise investment to help balance out your life and could be filed under Entertainment.

When I was younger I spent a lot of money on certain things that some people might find excessive or not needed. Some embarrassing, some not. I have many moments in my life where I chose to invest my money.

Closer to the end of university I decided to get laser hair removal. And let me tell you, that stuff isn't cheap - at least it wasn't back when I was getting it done. Social stigmas over back hair made me feel too uncomfortable to really want to take off my shirt - on the beach, at a pool, in front of others, or even daily when I went to shower. Even now I still have more hair than I would like, but it's much less, and it doesn't bother me like it once did. Social stigmas be damned. The importance of this investment was for my mental health - because the problem wasn't the hair, it was my perception of what that hair meant.

In the last six months before moving to Toronto I decided that it was time to get a personal trainer. This too was an expensive undertaking. I met with a trainer three times a week for several months. After years of yo-yo dieting, weight gain, weight loss, over and over I knew that it was time to take control of everything the right way. This was an investment in my physical health. I learned how to exercise. I learned ways to eat properly and to make sure that I could balance that part of my life. Exercise helps the mind and the body, and I learned lessons that I would always carry with me.

Technology has always been my friend. I don't buy often, but when I do I know for a fact that what I buy will get used. My computer (and more recently my ipod touch) are used on a daily basis. Both are used for work and for pleasure. They help me to do my work, to keep in touch with family and friends and to help keep my life organized. Having a computer is essential to what I do and I couldn't make a living as a graphic designer without one. They might be toys to some people, but the tech I buy is an investment in myself, a business, my family and friends. These tools help so much to connect me to the outside world in very important ways. This is also an investment I would never regret.

I recently went shopping for some new clothes. Not just any clothes mind you, I was buying suits, and jackets, and shirt and ties. The last time that I owned a suit was back in high school. Since then I have owned a few nice shirts, but usually one or two that would get too much use and would wear out leaving me needing something else. It was especially difficult having to go to big events, like weddings, without proper clothing to wear. Even for meetings or special dinners it's useful to have a suit. The clothing I purchased is going to help me to distance myself, mentally and in appearance, from who I was as a student. I have been a student my entire life. I'm 28. It's time to grow up. The clothing I bought was, in the end, a lot of money to spend, but much like the personal trainer it was an investment in myself, my present and future. (That, and I just LOVE a good tie. I seriously do.)

And just this morning I had a meeting at the bank to get my accounts in order. I have accounts and plans that makes sense for what I do on a regular basis. I transferred more money into my tax-free savings account - and the big one - I invested money into my RRSPs for the very first time ever. Quite an investment in my future, no?

We choose to invest our time and our money in very different ways and at different times in our lives. It's not always easy to know if we are making the right decision. As a student I had no money to even think about investing. I would sometimes get nervous buying groceries because I didn't know if I had enough in my account. Today is a different story. I am no longer a student and I have some money that I can invest. In work, in pleasure, in my mental health, physical health, in my work, and I think most importantly, in my future.

Later all... ;)

WAITING FOR CRAZY

2010-11-02T03:25:00.003-04:00

We all get a little crazy sometimes, and so we should expect that other people will also fall victim to the crazy train. Sometimes it's because we're nervous. Sometimes it's because we're frustrated. Sometimes it's because we're scared, or even angry. But sometimes bitches be crazy.

After my sister's wedding I decided that I was going to try to be more social. I was going to get myself out of my shell and actually meet people in person instead of chatting with them for months on end without it going anywhere. (For the most part I'm happy doing that, but in light of the wedding I figured it was time to break out of that habit for a bit).

I've already been on a few dates. I've still got a couple lined up. Some got rescheduled, and some just got canceled and neither one of us set a new date. And that's how it goes sometimes. The fact that I am planning more dates should be a strong indicator that the first dates didn't produce any fireworks - no spark - no chemistry. Nice people. Very nice people. I never want to say anything bad about anyone I've seen because generally I screen people out so much that there's almost no chance that I'll meet up with a jerk. These have all been nice people with fun stories, good jobs, and positive outlooks on life.

So what's the deal? Well, if you've ever been on a date you'll know that even when someone is perfect for you on paper, there's no real guarantee that 'perfect' translates into the real world.

I make a habit of not talking on the phone. It's just something that I don't quite enjoy. Especially when it comes to people I meet online. A text here or there, then meet for a coffee - that's how I like it. Sometimes the phone call can weed out the crazies, or reveal something else that might be a turn off. For myself it's important to see how someone moves. How they present themselves to the world. A voice can only tell you so much --- and often if you've never met a phone conversation won't tell you very much.

However, I have had phone calls from some crazies. Rude people. Perverts. Over-anxious people. But I've also had my share of really nice people. Funny people. Kind and thoughtful people. The bad calls, well, obviously we never meet. But even with some of the good ones we still never meet. You just can never tell what's gonna happen.

I have a date coming up this weekend and we ended up having a chat on the phone tonight. It wasn't my doing I assure you, however I'm glad that it happened because we seemed to get along. No warning bells going off. It's a good sign. It's just a reminder not to be afraid of chatting on the phone with people.

Why am I so afraid of running into crazies? Well, that's simple. I have been the crazy one. And if I can turn into the crazy person in an interaction then anyone can. I don't think that I will ever forget it. It's embarrassing to even think about it. I kind of laugh about it too, lol. Long story short, I had been chatting with someone for a while - got along great --- finally met for coffee and things went well. We kept emailing, and then suddenly I started texting. And emailing. And more emails. More and more emails. Well, if you can't see where this is heading, let me fill you in. While I kept emailing, I started to receive fewer and fewer responses. Even after I stopped receiving responses I kept writing. That's right, I had entered crazy town. In my own defense I had just come out of two crappy relationships and was a little desperate to hold onto anything that seemed normal. In my quest to hold onto something normal, I became anything but normal.

So while I blame my crazy spell on feeling a tad emotionally bruised, I know that that's not who I am. But to the person I had been emailing... well, I will always be remembered as one of the crazies. I'd like to point out that I was never crazy before that, nor have I been crazy after. It was very much an isolated incident. :P

We've all got them. We've all got stories. We'd really like it if other people remained the focus, but that's not always the case.

Anywho, the search is still on. It still hard to get my hopes up about dating because it's such a hard thing to do. I tell people all of the time that with dating it's going to be either a good time or a good story. If you're lucky it's both. In the last week I have been given reason to stay hopeful. I've been given reason to give up and stay a little dead inside. I've had people both surprise and disappoint me. And yet I keep on going.

After all, when there is nothing left, there is still hope. And man, I'm still pretty darn hopeful.

Later all... ;)

SOUP FOR YOU!

2010-10-30T23:45:00.003-04:00

Soup? I don't want soup. I can make my own soup! I may not have the Soup Nazi's recipes, but I sure am exited to get cooking!

I went grocery shopping tonight. I had only really intended on getting a few veggies. The fact that I took two grocery bags with me when I left the apartment should have tipped me off that this was going to be no ordinary food run.

I got squash, potatoes (sweet and regular), onions, leeks, mushrooms, broccoli, apples, pears, some honey and greek yogurt, soy milk, and then there's all the food I still had at home. This wasn't all for the soups, but with what I got I am going to make a few different kinds of soup and it's going to be delicious! I really can't wait.

There's something fun and therapeutic about it being cold outside and then spending the day in the kitchen whipping up some good food that will feed you for weeks. It's going to be great.

Later all... ;)

HALLOWEEN

2010-10-30T01:05:00.004-04:00

It's Halloween weekend and I am starting my usual routine. I'm hiding.

I do have a back-up excuse for people this year - I have tons of work to do all weekend - I really do! But work really isn't the reason I'm hiding out at home. I really dislike (or I've convinced myself that I dislike) Halloween. People cannot believe it. But it's true, and there are others out there like me. I'm not alone.

I try to think back on reasons why I would dislike Halloween.

Reason 1
When I was younger going out for Halloween became a chore, and often I ended up going out year after year as a Hockey player. It was boring. It also meant getting loads of candy. Of course, in my teens I had some weight issues to deal with. So boring costume(s) and too much candy.

Reason 2
I remember one summer being at a camp and everyone was getting their faces painted. Of course I wanted to do what everyone else was doing, except that I got a rash all over my face wherever the paint touched me. Awesome.

Reason 3
I think this one is funny, but I hate clowns. I think they are creepy and weird. I think that I dislike clowns so much that it has spread to other dress-up/costume get ups. I find it creepy, OK? Deal with it. lol.

Reason 4
People get even more stupid at Halloween. It's as though people use it as an excuse to be assholes and whores. OK, that's a little harsh --- after all, people only need a Friday night for that. :P

I'm sure I could think of more reasons. But I just like to avoid it. I book off work from the food store every year so that I don't have to be around all of the people who are getting dressed up. I think people feel bad for people like me. People that can't enjoy Halloween as a time to just be creative and be silly. I feel OK about it a little more this year because I've been doing so much design work for Halloween, so I feel like I've put in the effort. :P

Anyway, I've been spending my night working and watching some shows. Over the weekend I have a brunch planned, a trip to the gym, and maybe a coffee with a friend. But that's it. And it'll all be in the daytime, so there won't be much opportunity to run into many costumed folk.

Do you go out for Halloween? Give out candy? Hide away or get all dressed up?

Later all... ;)

Later all... ;)

WEDDING BELLS

2010-10-17T23:50:00.003-04:00

I recently returned to Toronto from Kingston where I was attending my sister's wedding. It was really nice to be a part of a really big day in her life, and I doubt very much that I'll forget it any time soon.

I saw some friends today before leaving Kingston. We were joking around that attending the wedding will revitalize my belief... my hope that finding love is possible. I also joke that I'm a little dead inside, but not many of my friends actually buy into that. But I think we're all like that a little bit. We want to look strong and unwavering, but at the same time we want the world to know that we're ready to let people in --- ready and willing.

I came home and have been watching some TV - trying to sort through some thoughts. It was interesting seeing so many different people. When I'm in Toronto it seems like I see a lot of the same people over and over. I have some trouble finding people that I can connect with in a meaningful way. When I was in Kingston there were lots of people that seemed interesting --- but that could very well be the nostalgia kicking in a little bit.

Tonight I was looking at the news feed and someone popped up and my heart skipped a beat. It always happens. And, to be honest, I'd kind of like it to stop. lol. I want certain things that I cannot have. I want things that I know are probably not all that good for me. But I want it nonetheless. But you know, the feeling is really great, and it's nice to know that I can still feel that way. :)

Anywho.

At the wedding there were no speeches. I had been thinking about it for some time before the actual wedding about whether or not I would be giving a speech. Normally the father of the bride would have a few words, and since I was stepping into that role for the wedding, I was thinking that I might say a few words. I was both relieved and a little disappointed in not being able to give a speech. Nothing was written down. I only had a few thoughts running through my head.

It was nice to see so many familiar faces, and to see so many new, warm and inviting people as well. This was a day that Ben and Stacey would remember always and it means the world to them to have so many of their closest friends and families travel from all over to be a part of their day - to help celebrate their union.

Of course there are a few people that are no longer with us that could not be there. And while I know that our father would have happily stood up and probably gushed about his daughter getting married, I was kind of hoping that I could do a little bit of that gushing myself.

My sister and I weren't always super close. We almost always got along, but you know how siblings are. They go through phases. When our father passed away a lot of things changed within our family and how we treated ourselves and each other. At times I started to feel like I needed to be a little more protective of here than I had been before. I liked meeting the people she dated. I wanted to know that they were good people.

When I moved to Kingston for University, my sister and I became very close friends - which probably made me feel like trying to protect her even more than before. I've gotten myself into trouble with people by being overly protective, so much so that I've believed that nobody could ever be good enough for my sister.

I have liked some of her boyfriends more than I have liked others. I'm not sure that I have gotten to know Ben as well as I should have by now, though, so that is something we'll have to work on. People ask me all of the time if I even like the guy my sister was set to marry. lol. I look at them and tell them the same thing. There's nothing not to like with this guy. He treats her well and makes her happy. He's nice to the family and is very supportive.

Despite seeing these things I still had my misgivings when my sister told me that she was engaged. Being the over-protective brother that I am I went at her with a few questions about him, about her, about their relationship and where they wanted to go in life together. She answered all of my questions with such ease and confidence that I had no way of saying "you can't do this!" - because she was happy, so very happy, and at some point we all have to let go.

As I walked my sister down the aisle, I couldn't help but smile. Though I had been convinced long ago about their engagement, seeing the look on her face was all I really needed to know that this was the right thing and that he was the right man for her.

I can't quite imagine what it's like for a father to give his daughter away at her own wedding, but I got pretty close as I tried to fill those shoes. And after all, it's not as though we're losing a daughter or sister, we're gaining a new son/brother-in-law and his family as well.

There were a lot of happy faces to go around that day. We all know that it's not easy to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. We all know that when you find it you grab hold of it and never let it get away. And while it may not be that easy, they sure make it look like it is.

So congratulations to my sister Stacey, and my new brother-in-law Ben on their union! You can't get rid of us now. ;)

Later all... ;)

WEST SIDE!

2010-10-03T18:42:00.004-04:00

I left the house today to help clear my head. As it happens my brain is a bit busier now than it was before I left. Not sure what to do to clear my head so that I can get some work done. But writing a blog posting is as good as anything.

Yesterday I took a trip over to the West end of Toronto, with my friend Mark, to check out some coffee shops and to just browse around. I asked for suggestions all week and got a lot of great ones (I'll be heading back to the West end soon to check out more of these places soon!).

We headed over to Roncesvalles, which is not far at all from where I used to live when I originally lived in the West end. I wish I had checked it out sooner because there's some great stuff over there.

The first stop brought us into the Alternative Grounds Coffee House. It reminded me a lot of the 'Goat, only smaller, without all of the food selection, and the staff was a bit slow. But, that being said, it was impossible not to relax and enjoy yourself while you were there. I had a coffee and a linzer square, both pretty tasty. On our way out we ran into Frances, the girl who had originally recommended the place. It was very nice to run into her there.

As we walked South we stopped at many different bakeries - just browsing - and drooled all the way. There was a lot of yummy stuff to be seen. We went into two other coffee shops - Tinto, and Cherry Bomb.

Tinto was this multi-level coffee shop that I just know I would enjoy sitting in while doing my usual coffee/writing/sketching routine. It was very relaxed, and the people seemed pretty friendly. I took a business card to remind myself to go back to try it out for real.

Cherry Bomb was actually recommended to me by a few people, but what they didn't mention was the lack of seating space. Cherry Bomb apparently has a great reputation for its food and drinks, but I wanted somewhere that I could sit down and relax. This was more of a stand in line, order and leave sort of place. Probably better for people on the go, people living in the neighborhood, or people who don't need to sit and relax. I might go there again to actually try their stuff, but the fact that there's practically no place to sit is a pretty big deterrent for me.

We also stopped into a video store, The Film Buff, that was very welcoming. Lots and lots of titles, and even a mini cafe.

That's about it really. We saw lots of great stuff - it was all really relaxing. It's nice being a tourist in your own city, and I'm very glad that we went exploring.

Later all... ;)

SHUT IT DOWN

2010-09-26T03:13:00.003-04:00

There are times when I wish that I could tell my body and brain to just shut off for a bit. I've got this slight nervousness going on. My mind is pretty busy. I've been thinking a lot about work. None of it is at all bad, but it has been keeping my mind rather occupied lately. Of course I realize that I can do nothing about it right now and I should just sleep, but I can't. It's too bad that we can't reason our way to sleep.

Anywho, I'm almost a full week into my TV watching. I have watched most of the shows on my list - though I've missed a couple. I won't be keeping up with them all right away, there's just too much. Sunday night will finish off my list with four or five different shows --- many of which will be put onto the back-burner for a while (Yes, I'm looking straight at you Dexter).

At work we're fully into creating artwork for Halloween. I've got two completed (waiting for approval on them both), and there are still a few left. There is one in particular that I really want to get used. It's something I planned for back in the Spring, and if we don't use it I'll be pretty sad about it. I mean, I'll deal, and I'll use it in my portfolio, but still, I'd absolutely LOVE for it to go out for real. We'll see.

My brother and mother are also passing through, so I'm going to try to get out to see them, but I have a sinking feeling that I might sleep in - you know, given that it's 3:30am and all.

Oh, I've also downloaded an old SNES game --- I played it before and got really close to the end of the game. Why didn't I finish? Well, there was a glitch in the game and it wouldn't let me proceed even though I had what I needed to go on (just to be sure I looked up a walk through for the game, and yes, I had done everything and had everything I needed.)... In frustration I deleted the game off of my computer, lol. Well, that was a year or two ago, and now I am ready to give it another shot. Because, you know, I'm not busy enough with work, TV shows, seeing friends, etc. Apparently sleep is going to take a hit on this one. lol.

OK, I'm off to attempt sleep once more.

Later all... ;)

BOOB TUBE 2010

2010-09-20T02:44:00.004-04:00

What's more important than school starting up again? It's the Fall TV lineup of course!! lol. I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't really looking forward to this year's lineup. Check out my list of shows after the video. :)

Here's the list (mostly in order of the night they are on):

- How I Met Your Mother: At the end of the last season Lily and Marshall decided that they were going to try for a baby. The lives of everyone else pretty much went unchanged, except I suppose for Robin who passed up a job for a guy, who ended up taking the same job and leaving her. (Oh, did I mention I'd be posting with mini-spoilers? Well, geez, catch up, there's a new season starting up!!);

- 90210: This actually started up last week. Lots of drama going on as per usual. They got rid of one douche with an annoying accent and replaced him with another. Actually, everyone on the show that you're not supposed to like has an accent. Coincidence?;

- Being Erica: I think this is the show I am most looking forward to this Fall. At the end of season two Erica and her boss both lost their jobs and decided they would team up forming their own company. Erica broke up with Ethan. Erica chose her own door (which everyone assumes leads to her own office where she will be the one providing the same brand of counseling that she receives from Dr. Tom, and which he receives from Dr. Naadia.);

- Glee: Sure, who isn't excited for this show? The first season alone featured around 100 songs and a very enjoyable cast. We all know that it's hard to follow up an amazing first season with a successful second season - many fail at the task, but I've got my fingers crossed that the writers and producers have kept the show as is and haven't moved it too far away from what people fell in love with during the first season. Let's stay grounded people!;

- Biggest Loser: Season after season I just love this show. During its hiatus I watched 'Losing It - with Jillian' which featured one of the biggest loser trainers, Jillian, driving around the country spending a week with different families teaching them and training them and hopefully setting them on a path to a healthier life. I'm always happy to have this show around.;

- Life Unexpected: This came back on last week. Because Erin Karpluk was off filming season three of Being Erica they had to write her character off of this show - and they did it so harshly with two brief sentences, lol. Life is hectic for everyone as Kate and Ryan return from their honeymoon/vacation with Lux --- Kate has some job issues, Base runs into some trouble with his bar and a new bartender, while Lux gets involved with someone older - someone she is going to have to spend a lot of time around whether she likes it or not.;

- Top Chef: Just Desserts: Oh come on now, as if one wasn't enough! hehe. Here's another show that I can pig out to. I love the original Top Chef, and on that show the chefs always complain whenever they have to make a dessert. Well, now that is all the people are making - just desserts! Love it.;

- Cougar Town: Courtenay Cox's new show is heading into its second season. The first season had her character running after younger men after she and her husband got a divorce. As the season progressed this began to shift. By the end of the season she ended up with someone close to home, someone around her own age, and I'm guessing it's someone that she will break up with in season two. We'll see!!;

- Big Bang Theory: I have no idea what's happening on this show. I only randomly pick up episodes here and there. There is no huge storyline to follow - it's pretty episodic like Family Guy or the Simpsons. You can tune in, or not, and you'll never be lost.;

- Grey's Anatomy: I have had my issues with this show for a little while. The first few seasons were amazing, and then it seemed like the writers lost a lot of direction and stopped trying. After the writer's strike the show came back with some episodes that really spoke to that, which acted as a mini-apology to fans for sucking so bad. By the end of the season it seemed like there was a strong sense of direction, and the season finale pretty much had me on the edge of my seat like an episode from season two would have. I'm not exactly holding out for a great season, but if they can keep up the momentum from the end of last season then we're all in for a fun ride!;

- Private Practice: Umm... I liked Addison on Grey's Anatomy better. lol. To be honest I watch this show religiously because of a few of the characters, but overall I feel like this show also lost some direction. To be fair it is from the same people as Grey's Anatomy, so we all know that direction and focus hasn't been their strong suit. They are good at season finales, that's for sure. I remember two season finales ago the episode left me absolutely speechless. This last season a little less so. I'm hoping for a lot of changes, and having a few characters settle down just a bit. I'd also like to see Addison have some sort of identifiable personality. I feel like I don't know who she is... but that might be what the writers are going for. *shrug*;

- 30 Rock: Need I say anything. This show, aside from Family Guy, gets me laughing more than anything out there. I love Tina Fey. 'Nuff said.;

- Smallville: Entering its tenth and final season! Right behind Being Erica, this is the show I am all about this season. I've been there the whole way through the good seasons (1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 9), even through the *really* bad seasons (4, 6, 7), and I defended it through and through. I'm glad that the last two seasons have been so good - really makes me believe that they are going to pull out all of the stops to make this final season incredible. And I'll be talking about it a lot, you can be sure of that!;

- Dexter: If you saw the season finale of last season it's obvious why anyone would be looking forward to this season.;

- Desperate Housewives: Hmm... Why is this show still on? Why am I still watching? I think I love all of the actresses. That's it.;

- Family Guy: Funny. Makes me laugh. One of the few shows that actually make me laugh right out loud.

- Cleveland Show: The pace is slower than Family Guy, and the jokes aren't always as obvious, but I've grown to really like the show.;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, that's quite the list. And I'm sure there are others. I don't really know how I find the time to watch all of these shows every year. But somehow I do.

What are you looking forward to this Fall?

Later all... ;)

READ A BOOK

2010-09-09T02:03:00.008-04:00

Tonight I took one of my classic naps. One hour turned into two, which turned into three, and made its way to four... or five. lol. So instead of being in bed right now I am watching some TV shows, playing video games, and wishing that I was asleep. I do not regret my nap --- I think it was very much needed. It did mean that I missed out on going to the gym, but there's always tomorrow for that.

Lately I have been reading. And not just comic books! I started to download books onto my ipod touch. Have a few apps for reading books --- iBooks, QuickReader, Kindle, and Stanza. The one I have been using lately is QuickReader. I have been downloading some free books from Project Gutenberg. The main focus of my reading lately has been the series of books by Frank Baum. I have been reading them out of order, but I recently finished The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The books are an easy read to be sure, but there are a lot of elements taken from different books to help fill up the two Oz movies that are out there. The books are much different. (And if you want, you can look up Marvel Comics' version of Oz --- I believe that they are planning a release of another series later this Fall).

One thing about the movie is that the characters are quite likable. Things are simple --- but not too simple. In the books I have to say that I absolutely hate the Dorothy Gale character. She is supposed to be young and innocent - but she comes across, to me anyways, as arrogant, selfish, conceited and irresponsible. lol. Kinda harsh, I know. But I just dislike her that much. And the other thing is that in the books everyone's answer to everything is death. You showed up in our land unexpected? Instead of letting you go, we'll kill you. We've got a disagreement? I'll kill you. You've indirectly insulted our community - Off with their heads! err. Wrong book. :P

But aside from all the death threats it's a pretty fun and enjoyable series for people of all ages. But don't take my word on it... (ba dum bum) :P

(If you watch this clip, this is exactly what I think the Good Witches are like. :P)

I also haven't been reading any of the news lately, so I have no idea what's going on in the world. I'm not worried though, I feel as though I would hear about it if it was really important.

What have you been reading lately?

Later all... ;)

ONE THOUSAND

2010-09-07T00:32:00.003-04:00

I've been putting off writing another entry because I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to write --- or rather, I wasn't sure what the appropriate subject should be. After all, this is a very important post. Excluding the other blogs I had in the early years of blogging, I have reached my one thousandth post! I really feel as though I should have reached it long ago - but better late than never, right?

Today is also a big day for a lot of people young and old. For many today is the first day of school. For some it's off to Kindergarten for the very first time. Or maybe it's a teen heading off to high school, or even to college or university. And then there's the teachers, who carry their own hopes and fears about the coming year. It's a very exciting, and often stressful day for people. We all have expectations of what it's going to be like. We hope for the best and keep our fingers crossed that we avoid the worst.

I finished school a year and a half ago, so this is the second September where I have not returned to school. At times I think of all the good things about my time at school and it makes me want to go back. The learning. The people. The activities. Everything. School for me was a great experience. I loved it all. But would I *really* want to go back? I'm not so sure. Of course, I did have eight years of post-secondary --- I think that's enough for me for a very long time!

I know a few people who are heading back to school this Fall after a long break. I think it's really exciting --- and I think that they are all pretty excited to be going back. I remember returning to classes and having some older people in the class that had been out of the classroom for a very long time. I think that they, more than anybody, were nervous as all heck. Of course everyone tries to be friendly, so everyone finds their place and it's not long before people forget how nervous they were in the first place to start the year off.

So, while I am not going back to school this year I have many people in my life that are - students and teachers alike. To all of them I am sending out very positive thoughts and wishes. This may be the best year of your life! :)

Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
- John Dewey

Later all... ;)

MY TV 'FAMILY'

2010-08-18T01:03:00.002-04:00

I have a secret, that's not really a very big secret at all. I have a love for a lot of corny things. Music, for one, is something that I like depending on my mood, but generally I enjoy something with a good beat. Movies are things that I have always enjoyed, aside from Westerns, War films, and Horror - but even still, give me a smart romcom or a quirky uplifting indie and I'll probably be a happy guy.

But there's something that I will never be able to defend or explain - my taste in TV shows. I don't want to say that I have good or bad taste in shows, because we all know that there's a show out there for everyone. Over the last three years or so I have noticed that I have a growing love for some shows churned out by ABC Family... Ya.

First it was Kyle XY - I couldn't explain why I liked the show - the acting was terrible, but there was something about the stories, and probably two or three of the actors that made me want more and more of it. The show was canceled last year and I was annoyed because the story was really starting to pick up. But what are you gonna do except move onto the next one.

Along came Make It or Break It, a show that follows elite gymnasts as they train to make it to the Olympics. It was brought in last year as a mid-season replacement and I'm pretty confident that they never thought it would catch on. But with some TV veterans, Candace Cameron Bure and Peri Gilpin it was hard not to fall for the show. And there's always so much drama. But it's also a show that doesn't make it easy - there are no easy outs. I was very glad when it got picked up for a second season, and that second season is turning out to be pretty darn good!

And finally, the most recent addition to my ABC Family of shows is HUGE. Huge is a show that is centered around teens at a fat camp, and stars Nikki Blonsky (from Hairspray fame), and Gina Torres. Again, this is a show that I know I shouldn't be enjoying as much as I am, but I do like it quite a lot. The acting is obvious, and the stories aren't too in depth just yet (but that seems to be changing now). Everyone has their issues - and well, you know, get a bunch of teens together on a camp in the middle of nowhere and stuff is gonna happen.

So ya, I've talked about it. I love a bunch of ABC Family shows. I probably shouldn't, but I do. And I look forward to them each and every week. Almost as much as I'm looking forward to Smallville's final season this fall. ;)

Later all... ;)

COMPOSITES

2010-08-05T22:10:00.005-04:00

I normally don't post any of my current design work on this blog, or most places for that matter, but I had a lot of fun working on a piece last night and today - so much so that I wanted to post it and talk about it.

I remember when I was in school I loved tinkering with Photoshop and seeing how I could combine different images together - trying to produce some cool effects. On a few occasions I got to play around with that sort of imagery --- one thing that pops into my head was a newspaper feature project where I was talking about tree houses and so I incorporated someone's home into a large tree. It's just a lot of fun to play around like that.

For a while now I've wanted to do some more composites but never really had the opportunity - or inspiration - to do it. I got assigned an evite for a Fashion Show taking place at the Phoenix Concert Theatre. I've done evites for these designers before and had fun. This time they sent me a new image and as soon as I saw it I got *really* excited because it was something I could have a lot of fun with.

The new image was of a woman on a mini car. Immediately I wanted to place her in a downtown street surrounded by other models and flashy lights. The final evite can be seen below.

The city/road in the background was made up of close to ten different images spliced together. The sky had me using a 'cloud' brush, and some circles and a lens flare (I know! lol) for the moon. The cloud brush also allowed me to create some smoke that you sometimes see coming from cars, or steaming out from the sewers. You can also see different models around the artwork, and some placed where signs and billboards used to be.

The city is actually a combination of Times Square in NYC, and Dundas Square in Toronto.

Anywho, I had a ton of fun working on it. I was up until 4am last night working on it, and then more time spent on it at work today. Well worth the time and effort. I'm pretty happy with it - and it allowed me to get creative again, and to finally design a trendy girl in the middle of a city. Ahh. So. Much. Fun. :)

Later all... ;)

A FEW THINGS

2010-08-04T21:59:00.005-04:00

I recently got back into Toronto and found my apartment to be a hot, humid, and muggy place to be. But what else is new, right? This seems to be how the apartment is in the summer. But this summer especially.

Over the weekend I was off with friends for our annual cottage getaway --- always scheduled for the August long weekend. The number of people who make it there each year varies, but it's something that we all look forward to.

We swim, eat, drink, sleep - all in excess. It was loads of fun. I think the only real downside to the whole weekend was coming back covered in bug bites. OH well, each and every one of them were worth it for such a fun weekend away with my friends! :)

~~~~~~~~~~

I read in the news today that Prop 8 (you know, that legislation in the US about same-sex marriage) was officially deemed unconstitutional in the courts. It doesn't change a heck of a lot right away, and will probably be challenged, but if it stands it will probably mean that people will have the opportunity to marry whomever they please. To read more about it, go here.

~~~~~~~~~~

Did I mention that it was hot here in Toronto? Earlier in the summer the heat motivated me to go for runs and be active in spite of the heat. But now? Now the heat has won. I don't want to go for a run. I don't want to go to the gym. All I really want is to cool down.

~~~~~~~~~~

Recently I finished working on the invites for my sister's upcoming wedding! It didn't take too long to get a design worked out that they were happy with. The first design got nixed as it was too light - the second version was bolder and that's the one that won out! :) Anyway, it's nice to get to do this kind of thing --- for one I love to design, and secondly it's for my sister's wedding! So how could I not?! :)

Speaking of weddings - did you remember to congratulate Lisa on her wedding this past weekend? :P

Later all... ;)

I HAVE THE POWER

2010-07-24T22:47:00.003-04:00

In my previous post I talked about buying an ipod touch for myself. I am really enjoying it. I will however talk about some of the things that annoyed me within the first week, some of those things I can change, while others I cannot.

The first thing I noticed was how terrible the battery life was on the ipod. I couldn't understand how I was having to charge it twice in a day - it was new, it should last for a long while. I brushed it off at first because I was doing a lot of browsing online and downloading apps. I was fully capable of accepting it was just my initial over-use of the thing that caused it to drain so quickly.

Over the next couple of days the problem persisted, even when I was doing nothing at all. This was something that was annoying me very much. These things cost enough, they should at least last. So I headed online to seek out some solutions to my problem.

In the end I took the advice from this article abut extending the life of your ipod touch, and look at that, the battery lasts a VERY long time now. The main culprit was leaving the wifi turned on. I was under the impression that if you put the ipod to sleep that the wifi would stop working and not constantly seek out internet connections, try to check your mail, etc. Well, of course, I was wrong. Even when asleep, this device was actively working hard. So hard that when I would turn it on in the morning it would be drained as though I had been using it heavily all day.

So, turning a lot of features off (features that don't really need to be on) actually saves a ton of power and lets me wander around for a while before having to recharge. I have only been listening to music the last couple of days (went online only once), and haven't had to recharge yet! I'm thinking that I'll have to charge it up tomorrow or the day after, depending on my use.

It was a lesson well learned.

The other thing, also related to wifi, is that I assumed that I'd be able to pick up a connection almost anywhere. As it turns out the ipod can pick up tons of connections, but they are all locked. Where are all of the coffee shops and businesses that have wifi?! Where?! (don't answer, I have an app for that. :P )

All in all it's a fun toy. I enjoy taking music with me again --- and soon I'll have a few more games on it to help pass the time during commutes. So far I have only really filled it up with free apps - I haven't wanted to spend the money on any just yet. But I'm sure that it's only a matter of time before I do purchase a few.

When I downloaded the CBC radio app I was listening to some music, and on one of their stations they were playing this song: Shoulder Pads and Shiny Shoes - A.M.

Later all... ;)

DANCING IN THE STREETS

2010-07-18T19:02:00.002-04:00

This is what happens when things don't go as planned - you go out and spend more money than you had planned. :P

I had actually been considering this purchase for quite some time. So I bit the proverbial bullet and bought an ipod touch.

The last time I purchased an ipod was in 2004 after returning from the farm - it was meant as a reward or treat for myself after a hard summer of non-stop work. That ipod had a touch scroll wheel, and the screen was small and had no colour. It was heavy and kinda slow. But it was great for when I wanted music at the gym or when I was out and about.

Today my purchase was not a means of rewarding myself. And while it wasn't really an impulse purchase (since I had been planning to buy one for a long time), it still surprises me that I bought it. I think my desire to walk down the street with my own personal soundtrack finally won out. Chalk it up to me wanting to live out a Disney inspired spontaneous dance sequence. you know that would rock. :P

Anywho, I am loading up my music onto the thing as I write this. I'll be playing around with it for a while getting a feel for it. But what I would like some help with is hearing about what other people put on these things - I'm talking Apps here people. Share the wealth - any apps you just can't live without on your ipod?

Later all... ;)

DANCE IT OUT

2010-07-18T15:26:00.004-04:00

My plans for later on today got canceled. Needless to say that I was a little bummed, and even a little annoyed. I don't think anyone really likes it when plans fall through.

I could sit around my apartment staring at the computer screen wondering what to do all afternoon with my time all freed up, but instead I escape my momentary funk my losing myself in some music. I turned up the volume and danced around my bedroom in my underwear to David Guetta/Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over.

And Voila! In a great mood and ready to head downtown to wander about for a while! :)

Later all... ;)

HATER

2010-07-03T23:28:00.003-04:00

I'm such a hater. lol. I just did my annual walk through of the Pride events. I'm not sure why I do it as I react the same way each and every time.

It's not so much any of the events themselves that get on my nerves as much as trying to walk through the crowds. I HATE crowds so much. People randomly stopping so that everyone runs into them. People creating a huge circle around some random person dancing as if they've never seen someone dance before. I just want to get through! lol.

Hanging out one window of a club was a couple of people dancing holding a sign that said 'Let's get naked.' Yup, this pretty much sums up pride events these days - get drunk, get naked, and that's about it. Kind of a farce to me, but people have fun, so who I am I to be such a Debbie Downer, right? :P

While I was down there I stopped at my usual coffee stop to get a pick-me-up and the manager must have been having a rough night because he was picking a fight when I questioned him about the price of a coffee. Suffice it to say that I was wrong because I forgot about the new HST coming into effect, but even though I conceded about the current cost of coffee, the manager kept trying to argue with me about how much I used to pay for a coffee. I kept trying to inch away "yup, thank you! uh huh, thanks" lol, but he kept on. Really, I don't care if you believe that I paid $2 each and every time I came to get a coffee over the last two or three years - I really don't care --- all I care about now is getting my coffee, so please, stop trying to pick a fight with me about things that don't matter. But again, it's Pride, and he's probably had a ton of rude people flowing through the doors - and believe me there were probably a ton because it was PACKED down there.

And with that I came home. I had my fill. I've been reminded why I avoid big crowds. Not my favorite thing. I'm a hater, and for the most part I'm OK with it. :P

Later all... ;)

PROUD

2010-07-03T17:52:00.003-04:00

It's Pride Week in Toronto, and most of the action happens this weekend - I say that mostly because everyone lives for the weekend and the parade happens tomorrow.

I'm not one to go gaga over Pride festivities, but I usually try to take the time to walk through to see what's going on. People from all walks of life seem to attend Pride events these days. I would love to see how things looked 10, 20, or even 30 years ago when everything was just starting up. For Toronto this is the 30th anniversary of the event.

I'm trying to think about it more every year. It's our differences that make the world so interesting and fun. It's also our differences that seem to divide people apart. For myself it's somewhat of a struggle to accept myself as I am. Sometimes I take great pride in being 'different' as I feel it has made me more accepting and open to people. It has given me a perspective that I know that I would otherwise lack. I can only speak for myself in that respect.

There are some very amazing people out there who are very accepting and loving. I have amazing friends that love me for who I am. They just want me to be happy.

I was recently spending some time with people that I used to know from university - it was really great seeing them. Lovely people. But the entire time I felt like the odd one out. I felt different. While they welcomed me with open arms there was still something that made me feel like I didn't belong. Of course this is just something in my mind, but it's there nonetheless.

Even though I see my difference as a good thing, there are sometimes when I wish that I was just like everyone else. This is where I feel like I should watch a Disney movie about the protagonist overcoming obstacles and learning to accept themselves as they are and celebrating that difference, letting it propel them into something amazing just to make myself feel better about being different.

It's hard for me sometimes when I feel out of place amongst a gay community with which I cannot relate, and when I also feel out of place with my straight friends in a world where I feel like I sometimes don't belong.

I joke sometimes with friends that my feelings mean that I'm a self-loathing gay, lol. I really hope that is not the case. I think it's just hard sometimes for people to come to terms with who they are, and separating it from who they thought they were when they were younger and what they were going to become. I remember a time when I thought that I was going to marry a woman and have kids. Now, I want to be with men, and I'm less inclined to want kids. But that may be because there are more obstacles now for me. I dunno.

I do feel embarrassed, sometimes, being gay. Sometimes I just don't want to be different. But at the same time I think I'm afraid of becoming the stereotype I dislike so much. I don't think that's who I am, and I hope that's not how people perceive me. There are times when I would like to just blend in with everyone - be like everyone else. Of course if everyone was exactly the same it would be a very boring world. :)

Anyway, enough of the serious analysis. This week is just something that sets all of these thoughts off for me. I'd like to think that if I was given the opportunity that I wouldn't change a thing. I am who I am, and I feel like I would be a very different person had I been put on a different path.

This post has been such a downer even though I set out to write a happy post, lol. Well, I would have to say that more often than not I'm happy with who I am. There's still a part of myself that holds on to who I used to be... But in reality the old me was a lie, whether I knew it at the time or not.

I have amazing friends. I am educated. I have a job. I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I'm proud to have gone for all of these things - putting myself out there time and time again.

I just need to remember to be proud of myself, and to remember that we're all different, and that we all deserve to be happy just as we are.

Later all... ;)

WHO'S WHO, THAT'S WHO

2010-06-27T19:17:00.002-04:00

Last night I prepared some dinner and settled in for the season finale of Doctor Who. I have watched this show since I was a small child, so I wasn't about to miss it.

This season, however, has not been my favorite. Originally my least favorite season was the third season which followed the Doctor and Martha Jones. My dislike for that season had little to do with the actors or the stories, but more to do with Martha's character. She was needy, weak, and doe-eyed for the Doctor. Huge snore. When Martha appeared on Torchwood, or even when she made appearances on the show later on her character was stronger and more independent. She was not the same woman who followed the Doctor around hoping he'd fall in love. She didn't need his approval or as much guidance. She became a character that I could enjoy watching again.

This season brought on a new cast - save for one recurring cast member - new production team, and well, new everything. From the very first episode I was feeling rather wary of the series. Something felt off. But I figured it was something I would get beyond the more episodes I watched.

5, 6, 7 episodes in and I still wasn't feeling it. Some of the episodes seemed like a lot of fun, but at the same time not. I felt like there was that certain spark that was missing. As I read reviews online people seem to love the new cast. I'm not sold. The Doctor and Amy are my least favorite people on the show right now - sad since they are the leads. Amy's boyfriend/fiance/husband Rory quickly became my favorite part of the series - unfortunately he was only in a portion of the episodes. Also in the top spot for me was River Song. I have loved this character since her introduction to the show. And when she made an appearance in this series, she kicked some serious butt.

The two-parter season finale was a lot of fun. There was also a line that made it seem like this entire season was just a set-up for the season coming up. Let's hope that it's worth the wait.

I'd like to imagine that it's just me who hasn't been feeling the love with this show, but over the seasons leading up to this one the ratings and viewership has gone up and up. This season the viewership has gone down - and if other people feel the way I do about it, then it's no real surprise why the casual watcher wouldn't bother.

But I am a die-hard fan, through and through so I will watch it no matter what. I'll praise the good, and call them out on the bad. It's just my opinion, and there are those that will disagree --- and we're all allowed.

I just hope I like next year's season even a little bit more.

~~~~~~~~~~

Mercy me, I think that I am in love with River Song. Seriously.

Later all... ;)

WITHOUT

2010-06-12T00:20:00.002-04:00

I didn't drink any coffee today. That is perhaps the most important thing that I could note from my day. Well, that and almost burning the building down.

When I arrive at work almost immediately I reach for a cup of coffee. Getting an immediate fix happens at both jobs. It's just a nice way to start the day. But today I got to work and all I wanted was a big cup of water - Mmm... Water. Sure, it doesn't quite evoke the same feelings as a freshly brewed hot cup of coffee, but the water sure did the trick.

Why no coffee? I think it's because I went for a really good run last night where I really pushed myself. I remember when I lived in Kingston and had a personal trainer there were a few important rules. One of course was to have little to no sweets. OK, totally doable. Another was to choose between going out drinking and committing to getting fit. This was one lesson I learned the hard way a couple of times. But the final rule was perhaps the most important as it was a trigger for so many other things: I had to quit drinking coffee.

Say what?! Actually, as it turned out, it wasn't too hard giving up coffee. It just meant that I drank a lot of water. And I do mean A LOT of water. I suppose that means I still hold that connection between being really active and cutting out the coffee.

Harder, in a way, has been cutting out the sugar and sweets. normally this wouldn't be an issue since I rarely buy sweets - but when one of your part-time jobs is at a fancy food store with an amazing bakery, well, resisting temptation isn't the easiest.

Sometimes when I am at work - lol - well, we still have to try things all of the time as there are new products coming in all of the time. I find myself doing what I will call the taste and spit. Often when I am at the food store I will try one of the products so that I can discuss the product with customers, but instead of actually eating whatever it is that I am tasting, I will spit it out into a napkin. Sounds like an eating disorder waiting to happen.

But seriously, usually one tiny nibble of a treat at work will set me off and launch me into an eating frenzy. Portion control and I have never been on great terms. This seems to be working out quite nicely for now. (But I did have part of a lemon coconut square today and had to throw the rest away out of fear that I would consume my body's weight in sugary snacks before my shift was over.)

As I was leaving work I checked my phone and had a message from my roommate who informed me that she came home to the slight smell of burning plastic. Apparently I had left the toaster oven on when I left in the morning and the heat was doing nasty things to some of the things that were assembled in its vicinity. Luckily she came home early in the day, and thankfully there was nothing on or around the toaster oven that could have caught fire. This building had been renovated before because of a fire. Something tells me that the landlord would not have been impressed to witness two fires in the same building in three years.

We talked about what we would miss the most if the building did burn down --- assuming that we were both out and safe. For me it is my computer. My work is on my computer. I keep in touch with people My music is here. A good portion of my life is on my computer, and I have no idea what I would do without it. Well, I do know as I have had computers die on me before --- I would move on --- but I would be devastated. There is so much more on my computer now that means more to me than I have ever had on a computer before.

So, my new goal for the rest of the year is to NOT burn the place to the ground. I think that's a pretty good goal, ya?

Later all... ;)

RUN, DANCE, WHATEVER

2010-06-10T21:53:00.003-04:00

My room is clean. I almost feel out of place sitting here without my organized mess. Soon enough... Soon enough.

I have to get myself out for a run tonight. I was planning a run last night but it started to rain just as I put on my shoes. The night before I overslept my nap and didn't have time to make it to the gym. Now I'm feeling lazy --- this is where I have to kick myself into gear and say that it's not OK to be lazy (sometimes it is, today is not one of those days).

I really do want to run because I imagine that it will help keep my mine sharp and focused. Today at work I was a zombie. On top of that there wasn't a ton for me to do, so the day just dragged on endlessly for me. At three in the afternoon my boss proclaimed how fast her day had gone. I kind of glanced sideways at her thinking "are you kidding me?!" lol.

Anyway, I'm writing this and procrastinating... Better go get my things on. Wish me luck! :D

"Safety Dance" - Performed on Glee

Later all... ;)

READY, SET, LET'S GO... CLEAN!

2010-06-10T01:53:00.003-04:00

I don't think that I've had a summer where I blogged less. It's a little odd. I am accustomed to writing everything out - but not so this year. I wonder why?

Well, let's give this space some love. I'm cleaning like it's springtime. It always amazes me how much dust and junk accumulates over a few months. I, of course, rearranged my furniture in my bedroom in order to clean things properly. I seem to associate rearranging a room with a good clean. I suppose it's because you get to see into the nooks and crannies that are otherwise hidden and not thought about for months on end.

When I moved my bed the dust bunnies were a little crazy, lol. I shook out the mat that sits under my desk and a lot of dust/dirt/sand came out of that sucker.

I don't like the size of my room --- it's too small - the closet isn't in a good place, the radiator is too large, etc. But I make due. My desk often becomes a drop zone for clothes and papers. Every time I do a major clean I try to arrange things to make it impossible to accumulate clutter. Looking at my desk before a big clean, if nothing else, is proof that nothing is impossible. :)

Now on my desk you can find the following:

- A cup to hold all of my pens/markers;
- Two candles that I never light (sentimental thing, lol);
- A box that holds my bills and pay stubs;
- my computer;
- my external hard drive (you know, that drive I bought ages ago to backup all of my work so I would never lose it... you know, that thing that still hasn't been set up...);

And that's it!

Behind me I have some bags of recycling piling up. More than anything else I have a lot of papers that build up over time. I remember a time when I would just grab a garbage bag and throw everything out. Now it seems that it's mostly recycling. Mostly.

when was the last time you did a major clean of your space?

Will Smith "Getting Jiggy with It"

Later all... ;)

HOT HOT HOT

2010-05-27T22:59:00.003-04:00

It's summer in the city, and as per usual we don't have A/C. It comes up in conversation every year but each and every time we choose not to do it - even though it's *very* tempting because when it hit around 20 degrees outdoors, it was already 30 degrees in our apartment. You can imagine how much fun when it's 30 degree outside...

~~~~~~~~~~

I've been terrible at keeping a normal gym routine the last few months. W/hat I have started to do again - once every week or two - is to go to the track that is near my building and run some laps. Sometimes I am out for twenty minutes, while other times I am out for an hour. The main thing, aside from how much energy I have, is how my knee holds up. I love running - I would hate to give it up completely.

When I'm not over on the track I try to get into the gym. I've given up on the elliptical for the time being and am now doing the bike with some weights. I hate the bike, but the elliptical was getting boring.

It's funny actually, now that it's really hot out, I am more inclined to head over to the gym. Why? I'd rather work my butt off and sweat that way rather than sweating like crazy by just sitting in my chair at home.

When I got back from my run tonight I had a very cold shower and it felt absolutely amazing!!! lol. It really did. Cold showers are so good right now.

~~~~~~~~~~

I've been working on my portfolio website recently. It has been a long time coming - and it's about time I got to work on it! I, of course, changed the design once I started working on it again, but that doesn't shock me at all. What was different about this redesign is that I began to set the site up properly from the beginning. I defined a site root, created a template to make any major changes easier on me, I created a feedback form, validated it, and wrote the php code to make it run!

It's really a lot of fun learning web things again because it's what I started with back when I was a teenager. Once I went to school for design all of the web stuff took a back seat to everything --- it's nice to learn new things - new and VERY useful things. :)

When the site is complete I'll post a link and announce it to the world. For now, please watch this video someone sent me - it cracks me up big time.

Later all... ;)

PARTY LONG TIME

2010-05-16T22:37:00.004-04:00

This past week was busy - at least it felt really busy. I thought that I was going to get a lot done, but I seemed to be doing something birthday related, or something for work. I never really had the free time that I thought I would have. This weekend was a total write-off as well because of the bachelor party I went to yesterday.

This is the first real bachelor party that I've been to. The bride and groom, I think, agreed that neither one of them needs to know what goes on at their respective parties - and in light of that I'll stick with it, as what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

What I will talk about is that it was a lot of fun. It started around 1pm and when I left everyone at 1:30am the party was still going strong. I don't know how people do it. When I left I had a huge headache, was sore and tired. I was ready to go home. I needed the rest. After a golf range, go-carting, bar-hopping, lots and lots of alcohol, etc. I just needed to sleep.

This party also reminded me why I avoided sports - I stink, lol. I can barely hit a golf ball, my basketball shot is average, I can't drive/race, and umm... while I think air hockey tables are a ton of fun, I just can't manage to put on a good defensive game.

People also commented on how I throw darts, lol. I seemed to be doing pretty well and hitting where I needed to hit with enough accuracy (well, this accuracy fell with each passing drink), people said I threw darts like I was ready to go pitch a baseball, lol. Whatever, I still did well. :P

There was a good turnout, and it was great to meet some of the people that the groom has been friends with for so long. Here's hoping he remembers most of the night, lol.

What's the craziestmost fun thing that's happened at your bachelor/bachelorette party, or one that you've attended?

Later all... ;)

T MINUS ONE

2010-05-11T01:16:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty tired, and yet I'm wide awake. It's like some cruel joke. My mind feels like it's running around like mad, and yet at the same time I'm not thinking about anything in particular. So why can't I sleep, hmm?

~~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be turning 28. It's funny how my 20s seem to have flown by. Of course it didn't feel like it at the time - except for the last year and a half. I don't know where the time has gone.

What will I do for my birthday? I'm not entirely sure yet. I know that today is a friend's birthday, and he's having a big thing at some bar in the village - and while I usually avoid the village (except for my coffee fix), I have a tendency to fall in line for a birthday celebration - and I usually have a lot of fun.

Tomorrow night I will probably be hanging out with my friend Mark - drinking wine and eating pizza. Yup, super exciting, but it's totally what I'd like to be doing on my birthday.

~~~~~~~~~~

OMG - so, I read X-Men related comics. Currently the main storyline is the 'Second Coming' storyline following the return of the so-called mutant messiah to the present day where she is believed to be the one to save the mutant race --- though some believe she will destroy it all.

Stories have been leading to this for a very long time, and things are getting nasty. There are a lot of deaths happening. In comics they always seem to find a way to bring certain characters back from the dead, but there is one that they just killed off and it shocked me. I couldn't believe it. I still can't! I still think that they'll try to bring this one back. But maybe this is one that will stick. That would be sad indeed. But this character did die while saving the mutant messiah, Hope, returning her back to the X-Men's island home.

Intense!! Yup, I'm a geek.

~~~~~~~~~~

The most recent episode of Doctor Who was one that made me a little happier - or rather a little more comfortable with the current Doctor. Perhaps it's because he is traveling with two companions at the moment. A male and female. I'm not sure why this dynamic is working better for me, but it's worked wonders in the past, in both the classic, as well as the new series.

~~~~~~~~~~

This week is the season finale of Smallville's ninth season. Yup, the ninth. And I'm looking forward to the tenth. It should be a really good season as it will be the show's final season. Ten seasons is quite an accomplishment - for any show!

By the end of the seventh season I thought that it was time for the show to end, mostly because the sixth season snowballed into a lame season, and was followed with season seven and its lack of focus or direction - or point. Given new writers and some casting changes, the show's eighth season was fresh and enjoyable again. Season nine hasn't disappointed either!

They haven't allowed Clark to fly yet, but he's getting *very* close to the superman persona we all know. He and Lois have a budding relationship. They work at the Daily Planet. And Clark is already sporting a secret identity. Even though this season's finale hasn't aired, I am very optimistic and excited for the final season to begin.

Something tells me it's going to be Super. ;)

Later all... ;)

SOMEONE, PLEASE CALL A DOCTOR

2010-05-03T00:56:00.005-04:00

I will always be a fan of the show, but there is something about the new season of Doctor Who that has me scratching my head. There's something that feels off.

Certainly there is a lot to ponder about. New man in charge - Steven Moffat - a new Doctor - Matt Smith - a new companion (Amy Pond) - Karen Gillan - and even a new (internal) design for the TARDIS. There's a lot to digest right there.

The show has a new feel - which shouldn't surprise me given all of the changes going on. When David Tennant took over as the Doctor there was a transition period, but I found it easier to adjust to him. Maybe I think he's a better actor, but it's probably because he joined with a companion that we already knew, Rose Tyler, played by Billie Piper. A new Doctor under those circumstances was much easier to digest.

The Doctor has a new personality. ...OK, actually, it just seems weak. He doesn't seem as confident. He doesn't seem as knowledgeable. Despite this I accept him as the Doctor, but something still feels off. Is it his age? Is he too young?

The companion is someone I thought that I was going to instantly like, but I'm finding that her emotional range is, well, narrow. So far I haven't gotten a handle on Amy Pond. I'm not sure what drives her, and she certainly doesn't step up to the plate as previous companions have. Amy Pond often is simply there and gets into trouble. In the new series we found that all of the companions had a drive to get involved and to get their hands dirty - especially Rose and Donna.

The saving grace for me is the supporting cast. For me they are carrying the show. They are, usually, the ones with all of the emotion and depth I was hoping to get from the new leads. The villains, the friends, and the people. One familiar face that I was overjoyed at seeing was River Song, performed by Alex Kingston. Her character was still pretty cocky and flirty. She acted like a know-it-all, but in a playful way because the knowledge she throws in the audience's faces is more to throw it all in the Doctor's face, as it is a future version of himself that teaches her much of what she knows. There was a flirtatious scene between the current Doctor and River Song in the most recent episode, Flesh and Stone, that I adored. They threw Doctor Who specific references at one another, showing that there is already a deep connection between the two.

We're only half way through this season so I am hoping that I come around to the new direction of the show. It's still campy. It's still interesting. It's just... different. I'll get used to it, I'm sure of it. Eventually. And by eventually, I really am hoping that means before the end of the season.

Later all... ;)

HMM...

2010-05-03T00:42:00.003-04:00

I've been pretty absent as of late. Lots on my mine I guess - but nothing worth talking/blogging about. I don't think (*scratches head to remember if there was anything he didn't blog about but should have*) Well, if there was something I'm sure it'll come back to me.

I haven't been following the news other than skimming the newspaper headlines in the free daily during my commute to and from work.

One thing that was bothering me over the last week or two was not being able to have a restful sleep. I would be sleeping normal amounts but just couldn't get myself to feel rested in the morning. Thankfully I didn't work today and I just didn't bother to set the alarm. I slept in. I woke up a few times through the morning to look at the clock and decided each time that I could afford to sleep in as late as I wanted. And I did - I slept in until 12:30pm. It was marvelous. I felt really refreshed, which doesn't happen all that often with me.

I wandered around downtown for a while. I got some stuff at Shoppers, and then I grabbed myself a coffee. I'm getting a lot better at taking my travel mug with me when I go out. I hate getting a cup to go when I know that I could easily bring my own and prevent the waste. Especially at coffee shops, if I know that I will be eating something right away I specifically ask them not to give me a bag or anything that isn't absolutely necessary. What drives me nuts is seeing someone get a cookie or donut, in a bag, only to see them walk to the door, take the item out of the bag and throw it away. Drives me mental. Such a waste.

Anywho, listen to one of the songs that will be featured on this week's episode of Glee!

Later all... ;)

WELL, HELL-O

2010-04-14T03:00:00.003-04:00

Well, hello to you to! It feels like it's been months since we've I've seen you.

Glee has returned from its hiatus with season one, episode fourteen, Hell-o. I for one enjoyed the episode, but not everyone is so pleased. But you know what, I'm not at all surprised by this mixed reaction to the show's return. When a show gains so much momentum so quickly things can get a little out of hand.

One of the problems with a show being such a fan favorite is that the hype that builds - especially within the first season - sets the show up for failure, no matter how good or bad the show is. When fans of the show get caught up in hype they make something seem much bigger and better than it ever could be. The show is what it is, and when you start expecting more than it can offer, then the only option you're going to be left with is to be disappointed.

One of my fears has been that it won't be the audience that buys into the hype, but that the show's writers and cast buy into the hype - another surefire way to wreck a TV show that has such a great start. *cough - Heroes - cough*

I hate when a show stops being what it wanted to be and starts to cater to the masses. What ultimately happens is that people end up with what they think they want, but really they just get something that kinda falls flat and is entirely different from the original piece they fell in love with from the start. But I suppose that's the nature of the beast, no?

Another problem is the energy level. The stories came to a climax for the mid-season finale, and now it's starting fresh from the bottom and will, I assume, build right back up as they develop new stories towards what will no doubt be a dramatic season finale.

Hopefully the show stays grounded - you know, in its campy kinda way. Not every episode is going to be perfect, and not everyone is going to be a star. That's what it's about, right? Trying new things. Daring to be different. Doing what you love in the hopes that people will love you and what you're doing for what it is.

"Don't worry that it's not good enough, for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song." - The Carpenters.

Later all... ;)

BIRDS

2010-04-13T00:29:00.003-04:00

I'm slow to pick up on modern trends - well, that or I just like getting stuff for free.

Tonight I made my first ever legit music purchase via iTunes. My purchase? Birds of Wales' new album 'Belgravia Hotel'.

I know the lead guitarist - well, I met him years ago and keep in touch just about as much as I keep in touch with most people I know - not very often. But I've been watching this group progress and grow over the years as they released different songs, some you can hear on their MySpace page - and some from their official website. So now that they've got a new album, one which has made its way onto iTunes I thought that there was no better time than now to start buying some music.

I really enjoy their music and I think you should check them out. Do it, you know you wanna.

Later all... ;)